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The rest? Well, if we’re both in agreement, we can work on that.
Despite the deep feelings I have for Ciaran, I’m really not sure how I want this to play out, because those feelings are often also confusing and contradictory.
I’m not a fool. This life isn’t for wimps, and I’d be lying if I said I am one hundred percent okay with bringing a baby into Ciaran’s world.
But I do have feelings for him. And no matter how chaotic they are, I’m pretty certain I love him. That’s one of the reasons why I’m not prepared to settle.
That and the baby.
As far as I’m concerned, with a child involved, Ciaran has got to be all in. There are no half-measures here, no matter how I feel about the man. Either he steps up and protects us from the dangers of his lifestyle, or I fade away out of awareness and protect them with anonymity.
It’s all or nothing. That’s the only way to keep the child of the head of the Irish mob safe. I’m not so naive I don’t realize that a family will be Ciaran’s biggest vulnerability. That’s why this decision is his and his alone.
He looks shell shocked for a long moment.
“You’re carrying my baby?” he asks, his eyes, and then his hand, flying to my still flat stomach.
I nod, and a part of my subconscious I didn’t know was holding its breath sags with relief when he doesn’t question whether the child is his or not. That surprises me if I’m honest. We may not have used protection, but he has no way of knowing I was on birth control throughout the time Vito forced himself on me.
The implications finally catch up with him, and he mobilizes himself in a flurry. “Feck! We need to get you to the compound. You need to be somewhere secure if you’re carrying my child. I need to arrange a security detail for you.” The words rush out of him in a torrent of panic I’m not used to witnessing from this normally stoic man.
Then he stops and pauses, his eyes kind of spaced and distant, before he whispers in an awed breath, “I’m going to be a Da!”
If I had any more doubts about how he felt about his impending fatherhood, they’re eradicated in that moment. Ciaran whoops in what can only be described as joy, his normally somber features breaking into a smile that splits his face as he laughs out loud.
Pulling me into his arms so I’m half-splayed across his lap, he cups my face, oh-so-tenderly in his hands, and presses his lips reverently to mine.
I can feel his heart pounding against my chest as he deepens the kiss, pouring all of his happiness and awe into it. In that moment, I forget about the dangers lurking in the shadows, about the uncertainties of our future. All that matters is this intense connection between us, this shared moment of pure joy and affection.
When we break apart, Ciaran gazes into my eyes with a newfound determination. "Maricela, I promise you I will do everything in my power to keep you and our baby safe. No harm will ever come to you as long as I draw breath. I know I haven't been the best man; such is my life. But I swear to you, I will be the best father. I'll protect you and our little one with everything I have. You're not alone in this…. I won’t let you be.”
His words are like a warm embrace, wrapping around me and making me feel protected in a way I never thought possible. They are a balm to my conflicted heart, and tears prick at the corners of my eyes as I look into his earnest gaze. Maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for us after all.
With a tentative smile, I reach up to cup his cheek, feeling the stubble beneath my fingertips. I lean into him, intending to recapture and deepen our previous kiss, intent to push away everything but this connection.
But Ciaran has other ideas, and before I can fully process the whirlwind of emotions and decisions that have been set into motion by Ciaran's reaction, he pulls away abruptly, his expression shifting from joy to intense focus in the blink of an eye. It’s like a switch is suddenly flipped inside his head as he remembers his previous urgency.
"Come on, we need to move quickly. Pack your things. I know you may have mixed feelings about it, but the compound really is the safest place for you right now," he says urgently, already reaching for his phone to make calls and arrangements.
I watch him with a mixture of astonishment and apprehension. The reality of our situation is sinking in fast, and I can feel the weight of it settling on my shoulders. In my mind, I was going to stay here in my new apartment, enjoying my newfound freedom and independence while we found our feet together. At least until my pregnancy became obvious.
But even as I consider saying that I know it’s not an option. Ciaran's world is a dangerous one, and I can't risk the safety of our child by being stubborn or naive. No matter how much I might have wanted to take things slowly and get to know Ciaran better under more normal circumstances.
Hell, we’re having a baby together. I guess slow is an option that has long since departed. The timetable has already been dictated for us.
And I can see the determination in Ciaran’s eyes, the steely resolve that tells me he means what he says when he vows to do whatever it takes to protect us.
I'm not just Maricela anymore—I'm now a mother protecting her unborn child, entangled in the dangerous web of the Irish mob. The same organization that the one I’ve just escaped from has targeted.
I can only hope that vendetta died right along with the Viper.
But deep down, a part of me knows the danger is far from over. It lurks in the background, waiting for occasion and opportunity.
As Ciaran ushers me out of my apartment and we rush towards the compound in Ciaran’s sleek gray car, weaving through the city streets like shadows in the night, it hits me that that’s how it will always be.
Be that as it may, I know there’s no turning back, not now Ciaran is invested in both me and his baby. There’s no escaping the dangerous world Ciaran belongs to. The only option is to accept it.
And that is brought into stark relief when we arrive, and I see the compound from a totally different viewpoint - from the front seat of a car, rather than the back of a van. I'm struck by the fortress-like appearance. High fences topped with razor wire surround the complex, and armed guards patrol the perimeter with watchful eyes. It looks different now I’m returning as a willing guest.
