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“Of course not. Nor do I want you to be made a fool of. But band or no band, you have a talent that deserves to be heard. You are special. And you can’t let me or our daughter hold you back.”
Exhaling, she sits hard on the chair. “I wish I knew what the right thing is. The fact is that I don’t know anything. I don’t know if what I did four years ago was the right thing or not. All I know is that you have a huge decision to make, and I don’t want to be the reason you walk away from what’s rightfully yours.”
“Well, if it’s rightfully mine, then it’s my choice. If I have to pick between you and our daughter or the life I lived over the past four years, I choose you. I will choose you every single time. You and our little girl, Lucy. You two make me happy. You two make me feel alive in a way nothing else ever has. So let me be what I was meant to be — your man and her dad.”
Her shoulders drop, eyes glued to the floor. “I want that so much too. But at the same time, I feel like I’m robbing you of something and that’s not fair. I can’t even think straight right now, Apollo. My emotions are riled up in a way they have never been.” Lifting her head, tears shimmer in her eyes, ready to break free, and it breaks my heart. “I think I need to be alone for a second.”
“You sent me away four years ago. And here you are now, telling me that you don’t want me to stay. Fine, I’ll go. But think really hard about what you want, Lucy. I’ll always want to be a part of our daughter’s life, but there is only so much rejection a guy can take before something breaks.”
“I didn’t say that.” Her hands ball into fists at her sides as her cheeks turn red. “I said that you deserve more, Apollo. You deserve to get to be the best you that you can be. And that means you have to think about yourself and not us.”
“I am. But it’s like you don’t want to listen. Like nothing I say can make you happy.” I throw my hands in the air. “Enjoy your time alone, Lucy. And think about why you are pushing me away — again!”
I walk to the door and jerk it open.
I look back to where I left her one last time.
She is crying and all I want to do is run to her and take her in my arms, make all the pain go away.
But she doesn’t want me for some insane reason.
I shake my head as my hands ball into fists. “You keep talking about what I deserve, but what about what I want? What I know will make me happy? Don’t I deserve to be loved? To have the woman I love by my side? Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you never really loved me. Maybe I was just never good enough for you and was just too dumb to realize that I keep pushing myself to be with someone who never wanted to be with me in the first place. Goodbye, Lucy.”
22
Lucy
I’m so stupid! But I can’t help but feel I’d be holding him back.
I wash my face to get rid of the tears, but my heart is heavy with his absence.
A tug at the hem of my shirt makes me look down to find my little girl looking up at me with sleepy eyes. “Momma, are you crying?”
I pick her up. “Not at all. It’s just something that got in my eye, so I’m washing it out. How was your nap?”
Wrapping her arms limply around my neck, she lays her head on my shoulder. “I’m still kinda sleepy. But I woke up ’cause I thought I heard Daddy talking. Is he here?”
“He was here. But he had to go. He had some things to do.”
He left because you sent him away. Again. Stupid!
Hugging her, I try to make her feel better. “How about we go get something for lunch?”
She lifts her head, all smiles. “Ice cream?”
“No.” Laughing, I shake my head. “But we can go out.”
It’s just the two of us, so it should be safe enough. And I need to get the hell out of my apartment for a while. I need to get out of the place where Apollo and I argued. “You want Chinese?”
“Can I get egg rolls?” she asks with a grin.
“You can get anything you’d like. We can go get the buffet.” It’s not often that I drown my emotions in copious amounts of food. “I’m thinking about trying a little of everything they have.”
“You sound hungry, Mommy.”
I’m not. Not even a little. But I need to do something to get my mind off Apollo, and Aurora is hungry, so I might as well get some food in me as well. “Come on, let’s get ready so we can go eat.”
I put her down, and she looks up at me with wide eyes. “Can Daddy come?”
