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I didn’t want to open it because the second I did, my aunt Rosie’s death would be as real as the end of my business and my career. I knew that the letter contained the last words she never got to tell me in person because I was too busy working to go see her one last time. Yet another regret.
Jack cleared his throat the way he did when he was about to say something I wouldn’t like. “I hate the idea of Sophie going to your aunt’s funeral. She’s too little to learn about death.”
“Sorry it bothers you. But please be reasonable, Jack. Sophie adored Aunt Rosie as much as I did.” I swallowed my irritation and managed a contrite smile. “And all her cousins will be there. It won’t be creepy and morbid. Rosie wanted more of a party than a formal church funeral. It’ll be fun for Soph.”
“A fun funeral? Who throws a party when they die? Your whole family is nuts. Rosie was nuts.” His annoyance had nothing to do with the funeral. He was pissed because he was supposed to leave for vacation with his parents and I was making him wait until Sunday night, after the funeral.
“We’ve gotta get going, sweetie.” I said this to Sophie, but really I was saying it to Jack to let him know our conversation was over. “We’ve got a two-hour drive up to Scranton and Carla is on her way to get us.”
“To visit Aunt Rosie?” Sophie jumped up and down and clapped her hands.
“In a way, my love.”
“See, she’s too young for this, dammit,” Jack said.
“Let me handle it,” I said with all the conviction I could muster.
He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “You know I loved her too. Rosie.”
“Even though she was nuts?” I asked.
He shot me a regretful smile.
“Especially because of that,” he mumbled.
It used to be one of the reasons he loved me too.
—
It was true that my aunt Rosie didn’t want a funeral, but man, that woman could throw a party, even from beyond the grave. She’d made it very clear that she wanted all of her “people,” all three of the boys she raised and their families, all the staff at the school where she was the principal for half her life, and pretty much anyone else in town who wasn’t “gonna be a crybaby” about her death, to get drunk at her favorite pub to celebrate her.
I wore a bright red jumpsuit that had been sitting in the back of my closet for the better part of a decade with the tags still on. I couldn’t afford anything new. I’d applied for and been approved for seven credit cards over the past three years. Six of those cards were currently maxed out. The jumpsuit was too tight and too low-cut, but I knew Aunt Rosie would have loved it.
The bar was loud and rowdy. I hadn’t seen my cousins and the rest of my extended family in a couple of years, but folding myself into their comforting melee felt like sinking into a warm bath. There were hours of toasts and storytelling. Aunt Pat baked a massive cake with a picture on it of Rosie at her seventieth birthday wearing a T-shirt that read sexy at seventy. There was Aunt Rosie trivia and eventually Dolly Parton karaoke.
My sister, Carla, and I eased our way around Aunt Arlene, who was in the midst of a stunning rendition of “Islands in the Stream” on the karaoke machine with my mom and Arlene’s daughter, Little Arlene.
Mom was really belting it out. She shimmied with Sophie on her shoulders. I wanted to grab my daughter, spin around with her, and hold tight to her spindly little body. I knew the next month of vacation with her other grandparents would do my daughter some good. I also knew Jack’s mother would use the time to determine if I’d somehow caused Sophie irreparable damage with my recent personal miseries. Sophie has always been more resilient than me, but I still worried about her. Since I had to file for bankruptcy I could hardly drag myself out of bed except to handle the logistics of shutting La Macellaia down. There was a hell of a lot of grief involved in losing something you built from scratch, in losing the future you expected to have. I often drank too much at night to fall asleep and mainlined coffee all day to stay awake. Even when I was with my daughter, I wasn’t always really there.
I tugged on Sophie’s naked big toe and kissed her foot. She’d thrown her shoes somewhere in the corner during an earlier dancing session.
“Who’s paying for this?” I asked Carla as we walked across the room, balancing two trays of shots to bring to our dad and uncles.
“I think Rose stashed some cash away,” Carla replied. “She knew this day was coming.”
At ninety-one it was always coming. Rosie had been fading for a year at least. The last time I’d seen her, a few months ago, she’d hardly gotten out of bed except to make the two of us a pair of strong old-fashioneds and to light the living room fire with a single match.
“A real woman makes a good drink and lights her own fires, Sara,” she always reminded me. She told me lots of brilliant things over the years. I wish I’d written them all down. As Rosie and I had sipped our drinks, she said, “This is how I want you to remember me. A sexy, well-seasoned dame drinking her whiskey and getting ready to tell you a filthy joke.”
“That’s how I want to remember you too,” I agreed, and begged for the joke. Toward the end she wanted me to come one more time. It was urgent, she told me. There was something we had to discuss. But I was never able to make the trip.
Carla squinted out at the scene in front of us. “I think Dad and the boys must be paying for some of it.” I’d actually assumed my sister had thrown some cash in the kitty. Of all the cousins she was the big success story, at least in terms of how much money she made. She was the youngest partner in a fancy Philly law firm, the mother of gorgeous twin boys with a beautiful, brilliant wife, and they owned a fancy town house off Rittenhouse Square. Carla had earned her success, but it was also due to Rosie paying part of her college and law school tuitions.
Rosie was my great-aunt, my dad’s aunt, but she raised him and his two brothers when his parents, Santo and Lorenza, died in a car crash when Dad was a kid. So many boys, all of them little assholes, she used to say with complete and utter devotion. She’d never married, though she had a string of loyal and usually much younger boyfriends. I’d always assumed she was sick of living with men after raising three of them.
“The bar is probably covering some of it,” Carla added. “They all loved her.”
“Everyone did,” I agreed, and swallowed one of the shots. The fiery liquid tickled my throat and warmed my insides.
