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I feel utterly euphoric.
Her in that field, at that moment, still being inside her, kissing her full juicy lips, I knew I had found utter bliss. Gently easing myself out of her, I put my jeans back on, retrieved a tissue from my back pocket, and handed it to her. Then, take her hand and helped her off the car.
“You may have tempted me to buy you something every day just to get that kind of thank you again.”
Kissing the corner of her mouth, I walked her to the driver’s side door.
“As much as I’m still in both awe and shock by your amazing and thoughtful gift, I never want you to feel like you ever have to buy me anything.”
Peering over, I was surprised and confused to see her face swimming with uncertainty. I thought she was happy about the car.
“I’m confused. I thought you were happy about the car. I thought it was a nice surprise.”
Turning, she grabbed my hands, her eyes darting between mine.
“Of course, I’m happy. It’s amazing. I just… I guess I’m a little overwhelmed. It took me by surprise. And a part of me doesn’t understand why.”
“What do you mean why?”
“Why did you get me the car?”
“Because I wanted to.”
“Rhett, this isn’t dinner, or a cake or a book. This is an expensive car!”
I didn’t understand why her face was full of anguish. There was a sadness in her eyes that I couldn’t understand.
“So? I don’t understand why you are making it into a big deal. I knew you would like it and wanted to buy it for you. It’s as simple as that.”
A heaviness that hadn’t been present suddenly filled the space around us, and Serena turned her head, gazing out of the windshield, avoiding looking at me. What the fuck was going on? With my thumb and index finger, I gently pulled her chin back, lifting it slightly so I could see her. Her eyes looked muted, almost haunted, and I couldn’t fathom what had caused such a change in events.
“Please talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. I thought I was doing something good. Something to make you happy?”
“You are. You have.”
I watched her as she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, a slow smile crept across her face, and she leaned forward, kissing me softly. Then, resting her head against mine, our noses softly rubbing against one another, I listened as she spoke just above a whisper.
“I’m sorry, I really am grateful. It just really overwhelmed me and I panicked. I thought maybe you were sending some hidden message or something. My mind went back to what happened at college and how carelessly money had been thrown around to cover things up. I started to panic—waiting for you to tell me… I don’t know that this was a parting gift. Or like you were trying to buy something from me.”
Shaking my head to refute this, so leaned forward and kissed me again before pulling back and continuing.
“I’m sorry, Rhett. I know you weren’t trying to do that. Please don’t let my insecurities spoil the amazing things you’ve done for me. I’m so so sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil our day.”
“You didn’t.”
She stared straight into my eyes, and for the first time, I had to work hard at hiding how much her words hurt me. She didn’t seem to notice my inner turmoil and wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tightly.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, peppering kisses along my neck.
I knew she meant it.
But that didn’t help silence the fact that she had thought of me in the same regard, dammit, in the same bracket as those assholes and what they had done. Even if it was only for a split second. I was nothing like them, and I thought she knew that.
Soon enough, we’re back driving on the freeway. Neither she nor I had spoken for some time. I suspected, on her part, it had more to do with her driving her dream car. But I couldn’t get Mrs. Fitzgerald’s words out of my head. Nor the fact that Serena had worried that I had an ulterior motive. I was sure the Fitzgeralds were at the auction, and it wouldn’t surprise me if they found out I had bought a car, probably even found out I gifted it to Serena. I could only imagine the face that they would have pulled. Allowing herself to believe her statements were correct.
That was what bothered me. Serena didn’t ask me for it. She hadn’t asked me for anything besides going there on this date. Unlike other times when I had bought things for women to either get laid or as a farewell gift so I could move on to the next woman, there was never any thought behind it.
Things were different with Serena. I knew she could have afforded the car herself. I knew she was someone that couldn’t be bought. I know she wasn’t drawn to me because of my money. In some ways, I thought she’d prefer if I didn’t have the money, the name, and everything most other women eagerly wanted from me. I bought that car for her because I wanted her to know I understood what it meant to her and that my physical need and desire for her didn’t just blind me. That I both listened to and respected her.
