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I let out a deep breath.
“So that pretty much sums up everything. I haven’t spoken to her since and that’s probably for the best. I don’t know what else to say. I’ve told her I love her, and she can’t reciprocate. Why bother trying to chase someone and convince them to love you? That’s not how it works.”
Raising one eyebrow at me, I felt like I was back at school, about to get scolded by my teacher.
“You, dear boy. What you’ve gone through in the past few weeks would knock most people for years. You said you told her you love her, but do you think your actions have shown her? Words mean very little if there’s nothing to back it up with.”
“You’re saying you don’t think I love her?”
I didn’t mean for my anger to flare, but her words made me angry.
“Of course, I know you love her. It’s as clear as day. When you say her name, your entire face lights up. Many people think the perfect partner is your perfect fit, someone who slots easily into your life, your beliefs, and your world. That’s what most people want. But a person who shows you everything that is holding you back, who brings things to your attention so you can improve your life, who picks you up when you’re down, who helps you learn not just about yourself but also the world around you. Someone who’s willing to put themselves at risk for your sake, knowing, believing, and trusting that you will catch them. That is true love. That is a true partnership.”
Her eyes shone with unshed tears as I imagined her remembering her husband.
“But there are a few things you have mentioned that I don’t think you understand the extent, magnitude, and impact they have on your relationship with Serena.”
“And what is that?”
I felt genuinely intrigued.
“Race.”
I was left speechless.
“I know we live in a day and age where most normal and level-minded people don’t discriminate. But the sad fact is that many still do. You two come from different worlds, not just because of your family being very wealthy and hers building their way up. You must understand that things are different for us. I grew up a Black woman from an impoverished working-class background, being told what I was likely to do with my life and who I was expected to date, marry, and have children with. My parents were stunned when I told them I had met someone who wasn’t from our community. Isaac’s family came from a small town in Texas. I’m sure you can imagine people’s surprise in the fifties. After some time, my family accepted and adjusted. My father died when I was a teenager, and it was only my mother and me. Once she understood that he was the man that I loved, the rest of my family did, too.”
“What about Isaac’s family?”
“The day he told them he would marry me, they disowned him. They never spoke to him again. He’d moved to Georgia to be with me, as my mother was sick, and I was looking after her. Once she passed, we decided to move here. After many years of trying for children, we found out it wasn’t in God’s plans for us to be parents. So, when this space became available, we bought it. The cafe became our child. We loved, cherished, and devoted our lives to it. But when he died, it felt like a part of me died with him. The things that once joyed me about coming downstairs and opening now saddens me since he isn’t here.”
How was I supposed to respond to that? I felt so confused, especially as part of my agenda of coming here was to tempt Raya into finally selling. But wouldn’t I simply be manipulating a grieving widow? She walked over to clear the empty plates left by the last other patrons and twisted the sign on the door to say she was closed.
Walking back, she now stayed on my side of the bar and sat on the stool next to me.
“There isn’t a minute that goes by that I don’t wish I could be with Isaac just one more time. He meant more to me than anything in this world but we had many challenges thrown our way. Over the years, certain people felt the need to remind us that he was a white man, and I am a Black woman. As if telling us would make any difference to one another. You must understand that I was made to feel inadequate for a lengthy period of time - that I didn’t deserve to be with him, I wasn’t good enough or white enough. And from what you have told me, Serena has experienced the same.”
“But I have never and would never make her feel unworthy. She’s more of a saint than I am!”
Raya laughed.
“I knew you wouldn’t, but how would you feel if whenever you were around some of her family or acquaintances, they always made you feel less than you are? Making a point or statement that you’ll never be right for her. All because of the color of your skin?”
“I’d lose it.”
“That’s the difference between you and her. You have grown up in a way where, if I dare say it, you’ve gotten what you wanted. Serena hasn’t. She’s always had to fight, always had to either explain or justify her actions. Now she meets you, the man who could be the one for her, and is met with hostility and menace from your ex and your mother. Imagine how that makes her feel?”
“But surely, she knows my mother’s opinion would never become my own?”
“You must remember Serena is close to her family, especially her father. Growing up, with her mother having abandoned the family for another man when she was still a child, she’s possibly struggled with understanding the dynamic of your relationship with your mother, as she never had one with hers.”
I never thought that there’d be any connection. I knew her mother had left, but anytime anything relating to her came up, she’d shut it down and move on to lighter topics. I knew how important her family was to her. She always spoke of her father and siblings. But having her mother leave her at an early age must have been a tough thing for her to deal with. She always seemed so strong and sure of things. It almost seemed alien to see her in any other light. It also made me feel like a fool with the way I pushed her away. No, I walked away, just like her mother.
My mind was beginning to flood with all the different thoughts of things I should have done and conversations we could have had.
“Serena is a remarkable young woman. She’s achieved so much and takes genuine care and consideration of those around her. She was so worried after you left to see your father. I know when I see a woman in love. Even if she hasn’t realized it yet, I know she wouldn’t want to make things or life any harder for someone. Especially not you. And here she is faced with the risk that should she tell you her true feelings, it could affect your whole family.”
I never thought of it in that way.
