AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Time to get my girl back.
Chapter 20
Molly
It was official. I’ve finally entered the lowest circle of hell. Tomorrow marked four months since he left. I tried to forget him, but it was impossible when his unseen presence was lurking in every shadow. I’ve laundered my sheets dozens of times, but his scent still lingered on my tear-stained pillow. Teakwood and spice now mingled with the salty essence of briny drops of grief.
For the first month, my foyer was lined with flowers every morning. Pale yellow buttercups, how ironic, filled the space from the top of the stairs to my door. Every day, I arranged for the extravagant arrangements to be donated to a different senior living facility, and the next day, the ritual would begin again. Everywhere I turned, I saw evidence of things he’d ignited in me. When I closed my eyes, his blues reflected back through tears that leaked from the corner of my eyes.
The second month brought gifts. He must have had Tiffany’s on speed dial because every Wednesday, when I came downstairs to leave, I was given a different robin’s egg blue box. The first week, it was a tiny gold chain with intricate letters spelling my name. The next week, I found a delicate silver bracelet with two heart charms when I peeked inside the blue box. When the third week rolled around, a pair of South Sea pearl earrings met my eyes. I couldn’t hold back my gasp when I glimpsed the exquisite gems.
I didn’t intend to keep any of these precious gifts, but I also didn’t have it in me to get rid of them. I wouldn’t wear them, but I would keep them until I could return them to him personally. I knew I would see him again at some point since his entire family is here.
The last two months blurred together in a haze of indifference. The things I’d always enjoyed didn’t appeal to me. All I wanted to do when I wasn’t working was curl up in a ball between my sheets and hide away from the world. My melancholy wasn’t only due to the breakup, and what progress I had made over years of therapy had been derailed by his words. The memory of that awful day was a sucker punch to my solar plexus. My mind told me it wasn’t Courtland’s fault, and it was a tragic accident, but my heart needed someone to blame.
I spent more time with my parents in the last four months than I had in the last year as Mom tried her best to keep me busy helping her in the garden and baking. I didn’t tell her the specifics of what had happened with Courtland, only that we were taking a break. She and my dad seemed to really like him, and I hated deceiving them, but I couldn’t bring myself to open that can of worms. After years of mourning my brother, they were finally at peace with their profound loss. I would not do that to them. It was bad enough that I was thrown back into this hell. I’d be damned if I dragged my precious parents with me into the flames.
I hadn’t played at the Lux since the night Courtland showed up and made a scene with Luke. Everything blew up not long after that, and I just needed a break. It was also awkward being around his twin, and Ben assured me he understood. I continued my schedule at Cooper’s for a while, but seeing Knight every day hurt too much. He was so much like his brother I couldn’t reconcile the two in my mind. If my back were to him and he spoke, it was Courtland’s voice I heard.
Jackson was the only King I had contact with regularly, and I usually had my tribe with me to break up any awkwardness. Since Lucy, Tess, and I spent most Saturday nights at the bar, it was a given he’d be there. The love/hate thing he and Lucy had going on kept things lively, and the sibilant sounds they made at each other kept our table in hysterics. It felt good to laugh, and it allowed time to show my friends I wasn’t completely distraught and my mental health was not in question. They didn’t press me, so hopefully, my act was convincing.
I’m not sure how much Courtland told his brothers about his sudden departure from town, but Tess was the only one I confided in since she knew my history. Lucy and Julia just think we had a nasty breakup. Maybe at some point, I will tell them the story, but that wasn’t today. I understood they were worried about me, and I appreciated their efforts to distract me with wine and chocolate, but there were some things I had to do on my own.
I hadn’t left my apartment above the Bluebird in three days, and my friends were blowing up my phone, demanding proof of life. I pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, and twisted my hair into a messy bun before snapping a dozen selfies of various poses. Immediately, my phone began pinging, signaling incoming messages. Julia was the first to respond.
Julia: Hey, you. So glad you’re among the living. Lol.
Me: Yeah, sorry. I’ve been catching up on lots of things.
Julia: Molly, I know you’ve been having a hard time, but I really need to see you. Come to New York. Please??
Me: Oh, Julia, I don’t know. It’s too soon.
Julia: That’s what you said last month. Come on, Mol. It’s time.
Me: You aren’t going to let this go, are you?
Julia: No, ma’am.
Me: Fine. At least, let me think about it. I’ll call you tonight and make arrangements.
Julia: Yay, love ya!
Me: Back at you.
I threw my phone down on the couch and walked to the tiny window that overlooked the back alley. I needed to get away, but New York was the last city I wanted to visit, and I said I would think about it. I mean, it’s the most populous city in the United States, so I’m sure I could manage a few days without running into him. Walking to the side table, I picked up the bright blue envelope I had placed there after collecting it from the mailbox earlier today. I recognized the handwriting and wasn’t sure I was ready to do this. Pouring myself a sizable glass of Sauvignon Blanc, I settled onto the couch and grabbed the vibrant wool blanket off the back, wrapping it around me like armor. I carefully broke the seal and slid the pale blue paper from its hiding place.
My dearest Buttercup,
I’ve never been the type of man who believed in fate. Success is born from dedication and hard work, and I have experienced the greatest success of my life, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters without you.
I fucked up and will do anything to prove how sorry I am. There is no excuse for the hurt I caused you. When you blew into my life, I was hit with the force of a thousand hurricanes. Never have I met anyone like you. Molly, you are truly one of a kind, and I love you with all my heart.
Reaching for a tissue to wipe away the tears that tracked down my face, I couldn’t stifle the sob that escaped my throat. I was an emotional wreck. I loved him and missed him, but I was not ready to forgive him. After I dramatically blew my nose and wiped the moisture from my eyes, I continued on.
Baby, you are my world. I realized a long time ago that love is not as simple as people want you to believe. It’s complicated, messy, and, at times, downright ugly. But it is also so worth the pain and heartache. These months we’ve been apart have been the hardest of my life. My chest has been cracked open; my heart ripped apart. I can’t change the past or my actions, but I can spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me.
I’m trying to give you the space you need, and I hope you can one day forgive me for my part in your pain. When the time is right, I will get you back. That is one promise you can stake your life on. Until then: Tu es ma vie, je t’aime. End of.
