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“Yeah, I know it sounds dumb,” I said, running my hand through my long hair. “Kinda sounds like the advice you teachers give to kids to make bullies go away, isn’t it?”
I could hear her lips press into a thin line, and it filled me with glee. But then I felt guilty, and remembered she was one of those sensitive-types. I needed to be gentler.
Because I really did want to help.
“There’s more,” I said. “You ignore them; that works if they’re weak. It sounds like your gray boy or whatever is past that point. You’ve fed him. He’s stronger.”
“I didn’t—”
“Just because it wasn’t intentional doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” I pointed out. “He’s probably too strong now to ignore. Every time you feed him—meaning, every time you feed into the flaw at his core, he gets stronger.”
“My… my anxiety?”
“If that happens to be the thing, then yeah,” I said. “Then every time you feel anxious, he’ll latch onto that. He’ll come and find you. On the flip side, if you feel the opposite of anxious… er, what would that be? I’m not too familiar with anxiety.”
She made a tutting noise.
Fuck, I’d offended her. Well, whatever.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. God, sensitive people were so annoying… “I’m legit trying to help you here. What’s the opposite of anxiety?”
She paused, and I thought she was considering hanging up on me.
I had to remind myself that I didn’t give a fuck.
Then finally, she said, “Security. Confidence. Relaxation.”
I grinned. “If you feel those, he won’t show up. He can’t.”
“As if I can control how I feel.”
I wanted to tear my hair out. “You one-hundred-percent can, do not feed me that bullshit.”
“Can you?”
“Absolutely. Had to learn to,” I said proudly. I kicked back in the chair and rested my feet on the desk.
…but I chanced another peek outside at the hammock.
Summer was still in it, still swaying peacefully in the spring breeze.
I cleared my throat and continued. “If you haven’t figured out how to control it yet, avoid being alone. Stay around your attention whore sister. When you’re alone in your thoughts is when you’re the most vulnerable. That’s when he’ll feel the rest of the anxiety in you and he’ll come a-lookin’.”
“But… but I thought it was gone. I thought my anxiety just left and turned into him.”
I laughed. “Oh, you think it’s that easy? Nah baby, you’re feeling the relief ofmostof it leaving your head. It’s still got an anchor in you, and when you feed it, that pulls him to you.”
“…can he hurt me?”
Something squirmed in my chest, but I crushed it immediately. “I don’t think so. But honestly I don’t know.”
“Have yours hurt you?”
“Only as much as Drake’s exes hurt him.”
“Jesus… I’m screwed.”
I chuckled, and heard her giggle on the line.
