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I looked like the bad guy.
I had to do something. I had to shut this down; neutralize her. “Come here, darling, you’re upset,” I said, chancing it, risking everything by pulling her into a tight embrace.
Anything to get her to calm the fuck down before she did something impulsive.
As I pulled her tiny body into my arms, I could feel this wild, angry energy coming off her and seeping into me.
Not again…
Then, like magic, she took a deep breath and let it out. But holding her there still felt charged, like trying to restrain a cat hell-bent on launching itself from your grasp as soon as you loosened your grip.
She exploded from my arms and flew at the shelf nearby, sweeping every box of toothpaste, tampons, and toiletries to the floor.
“You know how it feels when youignoreme, Bo? Pretty—” she swept her arm through a shelf of off-brands, “fucking—” boxes of Band-Aids exploded across the floor— “shitty!”
I stepped back, my heart racing. I knew this wasn’t really Summer—this was her bipolar disorder taking control.
And I was responsible for it. I could have avoided this whole thing if I’d just stayed home with her; abandoned my plan to get her some relief. Hell, I could have just answered my phone when I was in line just now.
She jabbed her finger at me. “This isyourfault!” She cried, tears pouring down her face, her eyes shining bright and wicked like amethyst.
I knew it wasn’t. Logically, it was her fault. It was Summer that did it; that stormed in here and flung everything to the ground. It was Summer that made a scene.
But my feelings didn’t get the fucking memo. When she looked at me like that, accused me like that, I knew in my heart that yes, itwasmy fault.
Three years with therealSummer had taught me to think everything that went wrong was my fault. If only I’d done things a different way in any given situation, things could be better. But no matter how hard I tried, it would never, ever be enough.
But during those brief times when she was manic, Iwasenough. When she smiled at me during the good times, during the up-periods, I felt like God Himself approved of everything I did, and I could do no wrong. I took care of her; protected her, supported her. In return, she made me feel worshipped, invincible. She made me feel like I was finally everything a good man should be.
And fuck, I lived for those moments. I was addicted, even though I knew the relationship was toxic as fuck.
I knew was fucked in the head, but at least Summer and I were fucked in the head together.
Her anger subsided, her face changed, and I could feel the shift in the air. The charge died down and shifted into something else, and I knew from experience that the tears were on their way.
Summer looked at the wreckage surrounding us, the boxes strewn across the floor. She saw the eyes of the other patrons watching us.
Judging us.
Summer blinked a few times as if she’d just woken up from a bad dream, as if seeing the consequences for the first time. Then her lip began to tremble.
I wanted to resist. I wanted to turn my back on her, maintain emotional distance and protect myself. But she looked so goddamn helpless and small standing there in my hoodie. The shelves seemed to tower around her, and she looked so vulnerable. She’d transformed from demon queen to damsel in distress in a snap.
And fuck me, I was a sucker for it.
I wrapped her in my arms again, and this time she melted as she sobbed.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Bo!”
“I know, baby, it’s alright. I know it’s not your fault,” I said gently into her ear, feeling my heart melt. A pang of sympathy and validation pulsed through me. Iknewshe was sorry—I could feel her pain and regret seep into my skin.
That was another thing about this evil ink—it forced you to feel everything your creation felt, ten times the magnitude of anything you could feel naturally.And it got worse the longer you let them walk around.
“I need you, Bo,” she said.
Her words danced into my ears like an enchantment.
Despite myself, all my resistance fell away. I knew a second ago it was so important for me to stay away from her, to widen the space between us, but now I couldn’t remember why.
