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Sam rolled his eyes. “Oh, right. Ignore him.”
I could feel tears welling up. “I’m sorry… I’m so messed up…”
“Hey,hey,”Sam said. He wrapped his thick, warm arms around me. “It gets better. Really.”
For once, I didn’t want to run.
I huddled into his embrace and felt calm.
“Th-thank you,” I said.
“It just takes time,” Sam said. His deep voice vibrated through his chest, then my skin. “You can’t rush it.”
“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up,” I stammered. “But you sensed there was someone else, and technically there isn’t, but… I didn’t want to hide that from you.”
“I appreciate you telling me the truth,” Sam said. He leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on my forehead. “I don’t have a problem with it.”
My insides relaxed. “O-okay.” I wiped my eyes with the heels of my hands. “I… I didn’t realize I felt so guilty about that…”
Noah cleared his throat. “As touching as this is, I can’t help but point out that there’s relationship stuff happening in front of me. Which, I really don’t mind. But it’s happening inmybed, and that feels weird.”
Sam scoffed. “Dude, we fucked in your bed earlier. Why isthisweird?”
Noah shrugged. “I dunno. Just feels weird.”
I smiled. “I think he’s just saying… that this is outside of his friends-with-benefits situation we talked about.”
Noah snapped his fingers twice at me and looked at Sam eagerly. “Yes! That.”
I snickered, then rolled out of bed with the warm duvet around me. “Sam, can I wear some of your clothes?”
“Canyou? Of course you can,” he said. “Help yourself to my closet.”
“Thanks,” I said.
I turned to leave, then paused by Noah in his chair.
He looked up at me with an expression I couldn’t place. The slanted sunbeams made his clean body shimmer, and there was this…stillnessabout him.
Something passed between us, but I couldn’t tell what it was.
I felt the need to acknowledge it, so I stepped toward him, leaned down, and paused.
Our faces were inches apart. I could smell the hint of nutmeg from his skin—maybe that came from his shower gel.
I looked into his tawny eyes and tried to do that thing Sam taught me earlier. I tried toseeNoah—
But behind his eyes, there was only a shield; impenetrable and suspicious.
Understanding snapped through me.
I barely brushed my lips across his, then planted a slow, sweet kiss on his cheek. “…thank you.”
He touched his cheek, then looked up at me. “For what?”
“For…”Carrying all my toxic perfectionism issues for me. For holding my shields so I can experience real intimacy. For showing me I didn’t actually want the things in that gold list. “Thank you for today.”
He slow-blinked at me, and when his eyes opened, I could’ve sworn they looked a shade lighter. Maybe it was just the sunlight pouring in. “You’re welcome.”
