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I could feel my lips press into a thin line just sitting here thinking about him.
It felt like he took something from me, though I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
He reminds you that you’re not in control,Disgrace whispered.
I rolled my eyes, but I knew she was right.
I’m always right, bitch.
I shook my head as if I could shake her away. The bottom line was, that man reminded me that there were still rude people running around in the world and I couldn’t correct it. I could only change behavior within the four walls of my classroom.
But, a small sensation of victory bounced through my mind knowing that he probably noticed the absence of his pricey pen. Even though it was a stupid thing to feel petty about, it filled me with delight knowing that karma was acting through me.
For once, I got to reach out and put my hand on the scales of justice and tip the balance.
So, I reached into my purse, fished out the pen, and loaded it with my favorite gold ink.
It was senseless that I felt so delighted by this. Why was this stupid little thing filling me with such a rush of defiance and validation?
It was trivial, but it was an act of vengeance nonetheless. For the first time since my earth-shattering breakup, I dared to draw outside the lines of my neat, do-gooder life.
And just like that, I touched the tip of the stolen pen to the paper and began to write.
Using his pen felt dirty. It felt wrong.
But I liked it.
I liked it more than I cared to admit.
It felt like for once, Disgrace and I were working together. Her hand and my hand were the same; gripping the pen and pouring our thoughts onto the paper with a devious grin.
Ten list items flew by. Hell, I kept going, riding this high until I’d filled up the page.
• Tall (At least a head taller than me)
• Handsome
• Kind
• Reliable
• Neat
• Organized
• Planner
• Good cook
• Smart
• Athletic
• Clean-cut
• All-American
• Rule-follower
