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Disgrace screamed at me somewhere in the back of my mind,what are you doing?! There are people around! What if you get caught?! You’re making out with a stranger, you’re such a little slut! What are all these people going to think of you?!But I could barely hear her. An instinctual, ancient desire had taken the stage and shoved her into the audience. From her seat in the darkness, she couldn’t criticize or control.
She could only watch.
Sam pulled away from the kiss, letting his lower lip relax wistfully as if savoring the finest, rarest taste on the planet. His eyes were closed, his long black lashes fluttered as if committing this kiss to memory forever.
I felt beautiful; powerful. Our bodies were so close that my insecurity and worry didn’t have space to squeeze between us.
Sam leaned in for another kiss and I raised my lips greedily to drink his overflowing confidence.
When our lips collided, I felt whole; I felt complete.
But I wanted more. I could feel the pool of liquid desire clench in my lower belly, aching for him.
Thank God I was wearing black; there was no way I wasn’t soaked.
This was the first guy I’d eventouchedsince Grayson. Well, besides Sawyer, but he didn’t count. That whole thing was nothing but my libido reaching for something—anythingto break free from the cement block I used to imprison her.
I was a fool to think I could ever contain her in a brittle box of requirements and what-ifs. She was a sea serpent; a powerful, all-consumingneedthat couldn’t be kept underwater.
As I relaxed against Sam, all of my rules and stipulations sank to the bottom and one simple desire floated to the surface:
I wanted to have sex.
I didn’t care that Sam was someone I’d just met. I didn’t care about wining and dining, awkward questions and wondering if I could trust him. I didn’t care about vetting him against my criteria and carefully building a relationship. Hell, I didn’t even care if we only shared one night.
For once, it felt like I was living in the moment instead of in the long, dark shadow of my own sky-high expectations. And it felt okay to wander outside the lines, as long as I had this charming stranger to hold my hand.
Sam wove his fingers through mine and pulled away from the kiss, his brilliant blue eyes looking into my soul with certainty.
With recognition.
“As much as I’dloveto keep making out with you at this party, my little Graceling, I’d rather notbecomethe party.”
“What?” I asked, blinking a few times. My brain was blank; there was no way I could keep up with him in this state. The most I could do was wait for an explanation.
He lowered his voice. “Most of the guests have left, probably for fear that they’ll turn into gourds on the hour. Or was it pumpkins? I can’t seem to remember; forgive me for not being as sharp as usual. My brain seems to have turned into an eggplant.”
I frowned, then got it and laughed.
Sam smiled, delighted that his joke landed. He held his tongue, and I knew it was my turn to take the reins.
Get out of there!Disgrace yelled from the back of my mind.You had your fun, time to go home and we can unpack all this, then I can point out all the ways you messed up—
Shut up. Don’t ruin this for us, you prude,a stronger, feminine presence boomed.
Disgrace cowed down.
“I want to keep going,” I told Sam, grazing my fingertips along his thick forearm.
Sam’s pupils swelled like black holes and promised to swallow me whole. “I live nearby. Let’s go to my place.”
We held hands in the back of the Lyft for fifteen minutes as the anticipation tingled and danced through the air.
I wondered what his place would look like. It was impossible to tell how old he was—twenty-four like me? In his thirties? He dressed stylishly—did that mean he had a stylish place? What if we were heading to the student ghetto, or worse, what if it was some filthy bro-pad?
I consciously swept all questioning thoughts out of my mind, knowing Disgrace was behind them, pulling the strings, hell-bent on ruining this.
I’d made a decision: I wasn’t going to think past this one night.
