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“No, bish, meaning Let ‘em Eat Dick!”
I laughed harder than I had in a long time, and all of my self-criticism and doubt waiting in the wings retreated further into the shadows.
She flicked her hair and laughed with me.
Once she left and I turned on the shower, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was the only one that got laid last night. Effie was in a more… hyper mood than normal; something was up.
For some reason, the image of that jerk from last night—Bo—swam to the forefront of my mind. What he said to me about writing with that pen…
I’d almost forgotten about his haunting message. How he warned me not to write with it, but I’d made those lists of my ideal man. How he warned me against writing about my ex, and how I’d done just that.
But when I stepped into the stream of warm water, all my dark thoughts washed away. As I scrubbed the sex off me, I let everything swirl into the drain except the memory of the amazing night.
By the time I got out of the shower, I noticed something was missing. Something had been missing since I’d woken up in Sam’s bed:
Disgrace.
She was gone; pruned from my mind. I thought once I got home, once I was alone with my thoughts, she’d leap out of the darkness and push me to the floor like a huge, untrained dog.
But my mental landscape was eerily quiet.
Was a night of fun all I needed to let go of my anxiety? That couldn’t be true; it had plagued me foryears.Yet, now it was missing.
Anyway, I let my thoughts drift to that amazing burrito on its way to my mouth and a fun afternoon with my sister.
I wrapped a fluffy towel around my head and another around my body, swaddling myself in the absence of my mental torture.
…seriously though, where was she?
I made my way down the hall, humming and feeling light.
Maybe Effie was right. Maybe Ididneed to get laid.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Sam’s icy ones. Sam’s hands pressing into my body. The way he touched me, the way he felt so close…
But then, I thought of this morning when I’d confessed to him about kissing my boss. How I couldn’t stop going on about it. How he didn’t seem affected by it at all—
That proved he was just a hookup. The thing—whatever thing it was we shared the night before, might as well have just been shaking hands. Sam took my admission casually, like two friends who’d happened to share one magical night, and that it was now firmly in the past.
…but could it be in my future, too? Could I duplicate that experience? Could we still be friends and do that again?
Friends with benefits!Effie would say delightedly.
But I wasn’t the type of person to do that type of thing. I was a girlfriend type of woman through and through.
…wasn’t I?
I turned the knob to my room and opened the door.
Before now, the only person I’d had any sort of experience with was—
“AHHHH!”I shrieked, seeing Grayson sprawled out across my bed. “What are you doing here?!”
He looked up at me, bored, likeIwas the one intruding onhisspace. And pinned between his hands and my bed was my bullet journal.
“Just giving you a reminder,” he said, taking his time rolling to his feet.
“What are you talking about?! You’re not welcome here—why are you in my room?! How did you even get in?”
