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She looked small. But unlike all the other times she’d done this, she didn’t look small and innocent or small and vulnerable or small and sorry.
She looked small andviolent,her vibrant eyes glittering like poison dart frogs.
I pulled her into a hug anyway, hoping to fast-forward to the next part.
The part where we kissed and made up.
The part that made everything worth it.
I wrapped my arms around her limp body, her hands at her sides.
Then she said in a low, calm voice; almost a whisper:
“I’m gonna kill her.”
13
Sam
Iobsessed over numbers all week, because five days had passed since I’d given Grace mine.
? Five days. Five ways.
? On my bed, girl, star-shaped,
?Fuckin’ gold star beside my name (scream it),
But she hadn’t. And she hadn’t texted me.
Had I done something wrong? My hookups usually hit me up after a day or two to set up a second round. Maybe I came on too strong.
In the absence of Grace’s attention, my mental chatter flowed into the vacuum to fill the empty space. My mind swam with lyrics as it worked to correct the imbalance.
?Writing’s on the wall, bullet holes in stone,
?Your point’s in braille, baby, but I keep checkin’ my phone,
?Where’d we go wrong? I’m connectin’ the dots,
?But I think in fuckin’ loop-da-loops so I drew a fuckin’ knot.
I strode through the doors of my recording studio—Perfect Ten Labs—with these lyrical fractals shifting and blossoming in my mind. The walls closed in as I walked down the hallway, trying to press my mental pile of coal into diamonds.
?Paint by number, baby fill me in,
?You’ve got my number baby, how’ve I sinned?
?I’m on my knees, girl, help me out
?My tongue can trace your curves but I can’t fuckin’ count
I twitched.
The words wouldn’t stop coming today.
God. So fucking annoying…
I dug through my messenger bag, searching for the keys to the control room. And I may have happened to pull out my phone instead. And happened to check it for new messages. And open Instagram real quick to see if she’d accepted my follow request that I finally sent earlier today.
