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“But what if—”
“You don’t sit down at a feast and ask ‘what if.’ There’s no room on the table for a ‘what if’ dish. If you sit there and think about what the consequences will be if you take a piece of cake, by the time you’ve convinced yourself it’s a good idea, the cake will be gone. Someone else’ll eat it.”
“So I’m cake to you.”
“A cake made with crack or something,” I admitted.
“Easy as cake… or pie… or whatever…” she said shamefully, staring out the window.
“Wait a minute. Is this going to devolve into howeasyorhard-to-getyou are? Are you gonna sit there and pin your self-worth on the amount of time it takes for some dick to get in your pants?”
She shot me a scandalized look, then softened. “I just… wish we would have waited longer. But at the same time, I don’t. It’s… it’s complicated.”
“Do you regret it, though?”
I felt a little chip in my confidence when I asked that; a chink in my armor that she could stab with a well-placed word. I could only hope she wouldn’t.
“I don’t.”
Relief flooded through me. “Good. I don’t either, obviously.”
There was a beat of silence between us, filled in by The Dear Hunter’sCascade.This song always conjured images of a hidden palace in a lagoon, pearly white waterfalls pouring from the sides and a bevy of swans drifting gracefully in the moats.
In my mind’s eye, there was always one black one.
The lyrics about looking for a quick fix and hating the sinner not the sin played through the speakers.
Fuck. This song was in my head...
“…did I say something wrong?” Grace asked.
“Huh? What?” I snapped to attention.
She was fidgeting.
“Sorry, I didn’t hear what you said,” I admitted, privately cursing myself for letting my attention drift inward at such a pivotal time. “Please repeat.”
“I asked if you think I’m a bad person for kissing my boss.”
“No. I think you were being human.”
“So you’re not… like, mad? Or disappointed in me, or whatever?”
“No. Why would you care if I was?”
“Because I’m mad and disappointed in me. And I care what you think.”
“You shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t. You shouldn’t listen to me at all, really. I’m the devil on your shoulder, remember?” I said with a grin. “Live life. Take risks. Fuck up your career to see what happens. It’ll befun.”
She looked out the window again and crossed her arms, and I knew I’d said something wrong.
Fuck. I’d blown it.
When I pulled in the driveway, I saw Noah’s white Audi already there, parked perfectly centered in the garage. There was exactly one foot of space on each side.
I didn’t know why, but that annoyed me. I was suddenly overtaken with the urge to get in there and re-park it so it was just a little crooked.
It would drive him nuts.
