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She turned cold again, her voice defeated. “Let me know the details about the wedding. I’ll be there.” She finished off the rest of her glass then walked back to the counter to refill it. But then she leaned against the island, her ankles crossed, and sipped her wine as she waited for me to leave.
I remained in the chair, my body too heavy to lift.
She stared elsewhere, the silence of the apartment pierced by the sound of the oven.
I finally got to my feet and faced her.
She wouldn’t look at me.
There were things I wanted to say, confessions I wanted to make. I wanted her to know how much she meant to me, the depth of my feelings, the memories that stayed with me all these months later. But I knew she would reject every one of them. “I’ll let you know the details.”
13
SCARLETT
I lied to my friends about Axel. Told them we got back together and we were eager to get married. I couldn’t tell them the truth, that it was all business and corruption. We went to pick out my dress from the bridal boutique, and what should have been one of the greatest days of my life turned out to be one of the most meaningless.
I didn’t care what Axel thought when he saw me in it. I didn’t care if he thought I was beautiful. I didn’t care what anyone thought, because this wedding wasn’t real, at least not to me. It was just a means to an end, and at some point, my father and I would figure out a way to cut him out of our lives and take back the crown.
I would remarry someday, and that would be the real wedding.
I picked out a dress, the seamstress took my measurements, and then we left the store to get dinner. I always had a good time with my friends, but in light of what we were celebrating, I found it hard to live in the moment. Instead of starting a new life, I felt like I was losing my old one.
I returned to my apartment alone and opened another bottle of wine. Axel wouldn’t allow our participation in the business until I married him, so my father and I had nothing to focus on. I spent my time drinking. I wasn’t sure what my father did.
I was on the couch when Axel texted me. Did you pick out your dress?
I rolled my eyes at his message. Yes.
Is it slutty? He sent one of those smiling emojis with the sunglasses.
I set the phone aside and ignored him.
Time passed so quickly when there was something to dread.
I dreaded this wedding with every fiber of my being, so of course, time seemed to be moving at double the speed, mornings and afternoons becoming a blur, the hours escaping so fast it seemed like I had a time machine.
I had a constant stitch in my chest now, a tightness that wouldn’t abate, a heaviness to my heart that made it hard to stand. It was time for me to start packing up my belongings so Axel’s men could pick everything up, but I hadn’t even started.
The rehearsal dinner was tomorrow, and I’d run out of time.
All I could do was sit on the couch and think about the way my life had turned out. I’d expected to fall in love with the most amazing guy and have a beautiful family. I’d expected him to be a great husband and an even better father. But those dreams were ridiculous fantasies, because I was marrying a man who broke me. A man I couldn’t trust. And I was doing it for the wrong reasons.
The rehearsal dinner arrived.
I wore a black cocktail dress. Thought the color was appropriate because I felt like my soul had died. My father and I pulled up to the church, and he got out first but I stayed behind.
When he came around to the other side to get me, I stayed in my seat.
He watched me before he rested his forearm on the door. He didn’t say anything, just gave me time to adjust to reality, that I had to walk into that building and rehearse marrying a man who had left permanent scars across my heart.
It was a cold evening, the wind entering the car and causing bumps to appear on my arms.
My father continued to stare at me. “It’s alright, sweetheart.” His hand went to my shoulder.
His touch seemed to give me new life, because I managed to get out of the car and take his arm as we walked into the church. It was empty except for us, rows of pews with the golden statues at the front. It was a beautiful church, old and historic, the ceiling hundreds of feet high.
People were already there. Some of Axel’s men and his friends.
