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I was swept away instantly, all logical thought extinguished as one arm circled his neck, while the other cupped his face. My fingers could feel the coarse stubble along his jawline, feel the hardness in his bones that contrasted with the softness of his lips. “Fuck…” My memory wasn’t an exaggeration. It was real. His kiss, his touch, it was as good as I remembered.
The kiss continued against the door, my hand gliding down to his chest to feel its hardness, to his muscular biceps to feel them too. He wore the same cologne as before, and the smell mixed with the memory of his sweat elicited even deeper memories.
And then those sexy memories changed into the last one I had of him, when he’d walked into that restaurant with Cassandra after dumping me. The moment was shattered instantly, and my lips broke apart as if his mouth had stung me like a wasp.
He let me pull away. Didn’t try to kiss me again. “Stay with me.” His eyes locked on mine, his hand still deep in my hair. “Baby, look at me.” His hand left my back and placed my hand on his chest. “Stay with me…”
“I—I just remembered?—”
“I know. Stay with me.” His thumb rested in the corner of my mouth. “Live in the moment with me. Forget the past.”
“How can I forget the past if you’ve never even apologized for it.” There had never been a moment when he’d told me he’d made a horrible mistake, that he’d fucked up so bad and he wished he could take it back. Not once did that happen. He said he was sorry that I was hurt, but that was it.
His eyes shifted back and forth between mine.
“I’m ashamed to admit this, but I fantasized about you coming back to me…telling me how sorry you are…that the whole thing made you realize what you lost. But that day never came, and if it had, I’m not sure if I would have been strong enough to turn you down.”
His eyes remained hard on my face, but he didn’t say anything.
“You aren’t going to apologize.”
After a long pause, he spoke. “No.”
“Why?”
“I do feel terrible every time you tell me how much you’re hurting, when you tell me about the nights you cried…and the way my absence devastated you. It hurts me more than you know. It makes me angrier than you could ever fathom.”
“Then why can’t you apologize?”
His eyes flicked away for the first time, and he gave a sigh. “I hope one day I can tell you.”
“Why can’t you tell me?—”
“You trusted me when most people didn’t—because you knew me. I know this is a lot to ask, more than I should, but I’d like you to trust me again. Let the past go and live in this moment with me.” His thumb swiped at my cheek. “Please.”
My eyes dropped down to his chest, some of the skin visible because his shirt was partially open. I focused on that, feeling his hot stare on my face. I didn’t have a clue why I was so weak for this man, how he could make me fall when I had every reason not to. “I’ll try.”
His hand left my face, and his arms moved around me, cocooning me in a hard hug. His chin rested on my head, and he squeezed me tight, holding me close to the door in the hallway, his body like living concrete.
I closed my eyes as I turned into his chest, letting my cheek rest against his hardness, feeling him breathe. It reminded me of our sleepovers, the way he held me all night, his fingers grazing my flesh.
“Thank you, baby.” He released a sigh as he continued to hold me, content with having me in his arms. “Sleep with me.”
A hug in the hallway felt safe, where clothes wouldn’t drop. But in a bed in the darkness…that was different. Even if he lay there and didn’t try anything, I would try something. There was no way I could lie beside this sexy man and keep my hands to myself. “I can’t.”
“I just want to sleep with you.” He continued to rest his chin on the top of my head. “I promise.”
“I don’t think I can lie in a bed with you and…just sleep.” It’d been a while since I’d had a satisfying night with a partner. The guys I’d been with couldn’t hold a candle to Axel. That was why I’d been so forward with Theo, because I’d believed he was capable of doing what others couldn’t.
“Nothing will happen. I promise.” He pulled away so he could look at me. “Come on.” His hand found mine, and he gripped it as he started to guide me down the hallway to his bedroom.
I let him pull me, comforted by his promise but also disappointed by it.
