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“Exactly,” my father said, swallowing his pills. “You can rebrand as well.”
“I can’t. What about you?”
Whatever my dreams were, whatever I wanted, I needed to be there for him. He could argue all he wanted, but he relied heavily on me and Lotto, and that was all there was to it. He needed us on his good days, and he definitely needed us when he was suffering. When that pain was radiating through his body, he couldn’t do a single thing for himself. I couldn’t just ignore that fact.
“What about me? I’ll be just fine.” He was trying to put my needs first, but it really wasn’t as simple as that.
“Just because some girl clearly in over her head came here, doesn’t mean the scene would trust me and welcome me back with open arms. I don’t think anyone ever will again. I’d get a middle finger and a fuck you instead. And that’s if I’m lucky. I’m sure there are some mafia fucks who still want to put a bullet between my eyes for costing them money.”
“If you have someone backing you,” Lotto cut in, “all will be forgotten eventually. You know that. Short memories.”
“You know that’s bullshit. But nice try.” My father’s color was fading, and he needed to get some rest. I could see what he needed a mile away. “Dad, you need to rest. You’re turning white.
He nodded, not arguing, which was a change for him. “I’m not letting you off the hook so?—”
“Don’t worry, Pops,” Lotto said, helping him up off the chair and leading him to his recliner. “I’m not finished with the conversation either, but I’ll take it from here. Bones is right. You do look pale.”
“Fine,” my father said as he lowered himself into his chair. “But you know my vote. I remember how much you liked getting your face busted in night after night. Crazy as it was, you fucking loved it. I’d like to see you love something again.”
I also remembered my glory days when things had been amazing, when fighting was my life, and it was all I cared about. I tried to picture being back in the cage again, without all of the bullshit that came later. Would I be able to do it? To return to the scene. Or would my past haunt me forever?
Why did Ari have to come and complicate my existence by offering me a chance to regain the life I’d thrown away by re-sparking my heart’s deepest desire? Why couldn’t she have simply let things lie? And why couldn’t I get her out of my mind?
Would it be totally insane to go to the gym if I thought of it as just working out rather than a potential career shot to the arm? Or was that stepping into dangerous territory? One that would suck me back in before I knew it? I didn’t want whatever I did to be something I ended up regretting. If I refused the offer, would I always wonder what if? If I went, would it just be another mistake? Once a fuck-up, always a fuck-up?
I headed to my bedroom with Lotto behind me. I didn’t want to discuss this any further, but Lotto wasn’t done with the conversation either, and when the man bit onto something, he didn’t let go.
“Did you hear everything she said?” I asked.
“I did. We need to discuss this,” he said as he closed the bedroom door behind him. “This isn’t just your choice.”
Chapter 7
Bones
“You’re right. It isn’t just my choice,” I agreed as I sat down on the edge of the bed. “But you know I’m not wrong. I can’t just throw myself back in the game and act like nothing happened.”
“You fought last night,” Lotto pointed out. “Not a single fucker approached us to start shit, and all was fine.”
“Maybe because of the shooting. Had we given it time, shit could have turned for us. You know this. And, besides, last night was all amateurs and young kids. They probably had no idea who I even was. But you and I both know that if I return to the money events, those assholes betting and those organizing it will.”
“What do you think about Ari?” he asked.
“Aside from the fact that she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen?”
He smirked. “Agreed, she is. No argument there, but that isn’t what I meant. Do you think her offer is legit?”
I nodded. “I do.” I leaned back on my elbows, releasing a deep breath. “But I also know I have the potential to be blinded by… well… I’m trying not to think with my dick.”
Lotto chuckled and stared down at my crotch. “I happen to like when you think with your dick.”
“Yeah well, my dick could get us both in trouble.”
“Trouble could be fun.” Lotto approached me on the bed and ran his hand along the side of my head, cupping the back of my neck. “Why don’t you let me worry about that.”
