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I’d wanted to go with her. I’d wanted it so badly, but I had this fucking obligation, had to follow orders. If I wanted to go back into combat, I had to do what they asked.
I finished off my drink and filled up another. I sighed, looking out across the city, hating it. I hated L.A., how fake it was, how fake the people were. Hollywood was about the worst place in the fucking world as far as I was concerned, and I had spent time in some seriously fucked-up and dangerous places.
I knew what the real problem was. It wasn’t the city; the city was fucking fine. It was something else, and I was trying not to say it out loud.
“Nash.”
I turned around, surprised. “The fuck?”
Liv stood leaning against the doorway. “How’s it going?”
“How the fuck did you get in here?”
She grinned at me. “Pour me a drink.”
I eyed her for a second and then poured her a drink. I handed her the glass and she knocked it back. “Another.”
I grinned, pouring another. She took it and sipped.
“Why are you here, Liv?”
“We need to talk.” She sat down in the chair next to me. She looked different, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. And then it hit me: I’d never seen her wearing jean shorts and a T-shirt before. Or drink, for that matter, or really talk to me like a human fucking being.
“What can I do for you?” I asked, curious.
“Do you like it here?”
I grunted. “It’s fine.”
She smiled. “Come on, Nash, you hate it here. Just admit it.”
“Fine. It’s fucking awful.” I shrugged. “What’s it matter? You never cared before.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“What changed?”
She looked at me for a second. “Do you know who I am?” she asked.
I cocked my head to one side. “My fucking publicist. And a major weirdo. What’s going on?”
She laughed softly. “You really haven’t figured it out?”
“You’re starting to annoy me, Liv.”
“Okay, I’ll spell it out. My full name is Lieutenant Livy Green, SEAL Team Ten leader.”
I gaped at her, shocked. There was no fucking way. “You’re special forces?”
“You got me.” She spread her hands and grinned at me. “Apparently better than you.”
“No fucking way.” I stared at her, completely surprised. As far as I could tell, she was just another civilian. I didn’t see any training in her, anything to suggest that she was more than she appeared.
“How do you think I got assigned to you, Nash?” she asked. “I’m the liaison between you and General Benton. How do you think I got all that information from him?”
I shrugged. “I figured you really thought he was my publisher.”
She laughed loudly, shaking her head. “God, you’re so fucking clueless, Nash. If I weren’t an insider, I would never believe the stories.”
I grinned. “Yeah, but you know.”
“Yeah, I do. It’s all true, more or less.”
“So, what? Why are you telling me this?”
“I’m sick of you looking at me like I’m some idiot civilian bossing you around. I want you to know that what I’m about to say comes from a fucking equal. Get it?”
“Got it, sir,” I said, grinning.
“That’s better,” she mused. “I do outrank you.”
“Technically. Sir.”
“Enough of that.” She slammed her drink back and held out her glass for another. I finished mine and filled them both. “Listen now.”
“Speak freely.”
“You shouldn’t be here.”
I laughed. “No shit. But if I don’t stay, Benton isn’t going to put me back on active duty.”
“Maybe, but you still shouldn’t be here.”
I looked at her. “I want to get back out there, Liv.”
“I know. I’m sure you do. You’re one of the best after all.” She sipped her drink, looking out over the city. “But you love her.”
I stared at her for a full minute, not saying a word. We hadn’t spoken about Selena, ever, since she’d left to be with her parents. The media asked questions, but I deflected, telling them that she was home visiting her parents. They speculated, of course, but I didn’t give a fuck.
“You don’t know shit,” I said softly.
“Actually, I do. You’re in love with the girl.”
I took a drink. “So what?”
She smiled at me. “So, get the fuck out of here, Nash. Go see her.”
“Could ruin everything.”
“Everything is ruined already and you know it. You can’t go back into the shit.” She looked at me with this half smile, this serious grin, and I knew she was speaking from experience. “When was the last time you felt alive?”
“With her,” I said instantly, realizing it was true.
“With her,” Liv repeated, nodding. “You’re rotting out here. You need her, Nash. You’re just too stupid and stubborn to see it.”
“Like I was too stupid to figure out who you were?”
“Exactly.” She took a sip. “Just go see her. I can cover you for a week if you want. Or you can never come back and be done with all this.” She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me.”
