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“What are we gonna do, Dust?” I finally ask, knowing exactly why I never let myself do this, why I knew it would change everything. Once I allowed myself to have what I secretly always wanted, nothing would be the same.
“Don’t know,” he answers, voice deep and sad, working its way into all the crevices inside me. “We’re not gonna figure it out tonight, though. Go to sleep.”
I close my eyes and do as he says.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Dusty
I can’t help wondering if Morgan has always been a cuddler. If he sleeps with his face nuzzled into Rob’s body the way he does mine. If it feels like he’s trying to burrow his way into Rob’s body, and if his boyfriend welcomes it the way I do.
I don’t know the man, but he doesn’t seem the type. He definitely doesn’t deserve Morgan, that much I can tell just from the little I’ve heard, but then, I’m in love with Rob’s boyfriend, so I figure he has a bone to pick with me too. And while their relationship is open and Morgan is allowed to do this, it feels wrong to me. Again, not because there’s anything wrong with open relationships. It’s just not for me. I don’t want to share him, don’t want anyone else to touch him, and Jesus, I don’t even know if I can handle hearing him on the phone with the man he’s supposed to go home to.
This was such a huge fucking mistake, but I don’t want to take it back, don’t want to stop. It feels too good, too right, like there’s been a hole inside me and now it’s finally filled in.
Needless to say, I don’t sleep well. Most of the time I just watch him, as fucking creepy as that sounds. It’s around seven when I sneak out of bed, grab my jeans, and quietly go into the bathroom. The shop is closed today, so I don’t have to rush, but I also don’t know what Morgan wants to do here. We need to talk, but really, what I want is to ignore all the bad shit and just spend our days fucking and holding each other.
I take a piss, clean up a little, then tug on my jeans. I need coffee something fierce and figure I can sneak down to the kitchen and get some without running into Gregory.
I never saw myself being thirty-five and having to sneak around with someone I’m sleeping with, and I don’t want to do it now, but damn if it’s not a complex situation.
The stairs don’t make a sound as I make my way down. The second I turn into the kitchen, I see Rhett sitting at the table, looking out the window. Fuck.
“You’re here early.” I go to the coffee pot and the container beside it that I know holds the grounds.
“I could say the same to you…or I guess you stayed late? Either way, I’m assuming you were here all night.” I hear the disappointment in Rhett’s smooth, deep voice. He sounds in control, but Rhett works hard for that. He’s barely holding on, though.
“You know I stayed the night, so why act like that? We’re grown-ass men, Rhett. All of us. Whatever this is between me and Morgan, it’s between me and Morgan. I know how to make my own decisions, and it has nothing to do with my friendship with you.” As I speak, I get the coffee started.
“Our friendship? The only time we’ve spoken since he’s been back is when I saw you here—with him.”
“You can’t put that all on me.” I turn toward him. “You haven’t called or messaged me either. One of the first things I told Morgan is that him being back doesn’t change my friendship with you. That I’m not going to pretend we haven’t gotten close in the last ten years. I won’t walk away from that, but I also won’t be sitting around, listening to you berate me for whatever is going on between me and Morgan, nor spend all my time with you talking about how much you hate Morgan. Jesus, the two of you are so fucking exhausting.”
Rhett pushes to his feet too fast, thighs bumping the circular, white table. “He’s going to hurt you.”
I shrug because really, there’s nothing else to do. “You say that like I don’t know it. But I want him, Rhett. I’ve always wanted him. Don’t I deserve to have him even if it’s only for a little while?”
“He has a boyfriend.”
“I know that too.” I don’t bother telling him they have an open relationship. That won’t matter to Rhett.
He scoffs in disgust as he walks over to the window, leans against the wall, and looks out at the water. “What is it about him that everyone loves so fucking much?”
He’s not just talking about me. He’s talking about his mom, his dad, and even the twins because for whatever reason, Rhett has always believed every one of them loved or loves Morgan more than they do him. With a sigh, I walk closer to him. I hate that Rhett feels this way, had hoped that I could help him with it at different times over the years. Easton is right about me: I’m always trying to fix the Swift brothers, to help them. “People love you too.”
“Don’t fucking do that. Don’t placate me. It’s condescending.”
“It’s not meant to be. And maybe if you made it a little easier to let people in, you’d see it more. You’re a good man and a good friend. Just like I told Morgan I’m not letting him come between us, I won’t let you do that either. I can’t, Rhett. It doesn’t matter if I’ll get hurt, and I know he doesn’t want me as much as I want him, but…he’s it for me. He’s always been it for me.”
Rhett doesn’t answer right away, just continues to stare out the kitchen window, anger radiating off him and nearly choking me.
“You’re stupid to give him that power over you, to give it to anyone.”
“What did you just call him?” Morgan’s voice, shaking with fury, comes from behind me. I close my eyes because of fucking course he would hear that. “Did you just call him stupid? Fuck you, Rhett.”
Before I can wrap my head around what’s happening, Morgan’s shoving Rhett. “Don’t talk to him like that. Don’t you ever fucking talk to him like that.” Morgan’s forearm is against Rhett’s throat, holding him against the wall.
Rhett smiles in a way that makes my blood run cold. “Trying to make up for breaking his heart ten years ago? You’re the one who left him. You’re the one who pretends not to know—”
