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I inhale a deep breath, filling my lungs. “I miss it sometimes,” I admit. “This part of it. Knowing this place like the back of my hand, all this fucking beauty, and just being able to disappear. You can get lost in Southern California, but in a different way—lost in the people, the hustle, but here, I could build a little cabin in the middle of nowhere and live as quietly as I wanted.”
Dusty looks over at me, brows furrowed, as if he hadn’t expected me to say that.
“You don’t think I miss it? That I don’t know how incredible it is here? It’s the other stuff that’s ruined home for me.”
His voice is low, sad, when he says, “Yeah, Morg. I know. I hate it because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to love a place like I do here.” Guilt bears down on my chest, before Dusty nudges me with his arm. “But I’m excited to see what it’s like in other places.”
I take his hand, needing to touch him. His warmth penetrates my skin, going deep, to those places only Dusty can reach. “Really?”
“Really.” He smiles.
We keep going along the path, lucky to only run into one other person so far, going the opposite direction. It can get busy here. It’s a popular spot, but maybe the universe is on our side today because I want Dusty to myself.
We know the best spots to sneak out of the trees, where there are rocks to stand on and look out at the cliffs and Lake Superior below. It’s so damn blue, like it blends into the sky, going on forever. When I gaze at the rocky cliffs, at the water and cloudless sky, knowing that behind me is a world of green, it’s easy to forget all the other shit that weighs me down.
Dusty lingers behind me as I stand on one of the rocks. I pull out my phone and take a photo, then record a short video and post on social media. When was the last time I did something like this in Santa Monica? It’s always work and functions and parties. Rob didn’t hike, but Spencer does, and every time he asked me, I always said no.
“You okay?” Dusty wraps his arms around me from behind.
“Just trying to figure out why I never went hiking with Spencer when he asked.”
“Who’s Spencer?”
“My friend. You’ll like him. He works at the LGBTQ Center. He’s a good guy…a good friend, though I never really let him be. I still can’t believe I’ve never talked to him about my past.”
Jesus. Why has Spencer even stuck by me all these years? Friendship is a two-way street, and I never upheld my side.
“We’ll have to fix that when we go to California.” He kisses my throat.
“I like that we.” I hold my phone out and take a photo of us like this. Dusty rests his chin on my shoulder for the second one, arms still around me. “Come on. Let’s keep going.”
We return to the trail.
If you don’t know where you’re going, Hidden Beach can be easy to miss. Giant red rocks surround it, but we know where to go, don’t even have to think about it, until we reach the beach and crystal-blue waters.
There are a few people down there, some college kids too. We take off our shoes and socks and keep going. The cold water is a shock to my system, making me tremble when we step into it.
“Fuck. I forgot how cold it is.”
“Big baby.” He winks, and I shiver as we go a bit farther into the water, then make our way around the rock wall to our cove with the small beach that is thankfully empty.
We’re not the only ones who know about it, but when it’s just the two of us here, it’s easy to believe we’re the only two people in the whole fucking world.
We plop down on the sand, take our shirts off, and Dusty puts a hand on my leg, running it up and down my skin. “I’m gonna need to find a job out there.”
“It’s no rush. I can afford to keep us afloat…and we’re gonna need to find us a place.”
He nods. “I forgot you lived with the asshole.”
I roll my eyes. “You don’t even know him.”
“Yeah, but he had you, so I automatically hate him.”
“Jesus, Dust.” I rub my cheek along his arm, on his throat, and when he lies back, I follow. I lick and kiss his skin, needing the salty taste of him on my tongue, while pulling in deep breaths through my nose. “You smell like home.”
“I am home.”
“No. Not the UP. Mine. Like my home, Dust. No matter where we are, that’s what you’ll smell like to me.”
