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“Don’t tell me…what to do.”
I don’t know what it is about those words, but they unleash something inside me. Maybe it makes me a bad person, maybe I’ve always been one, but I’m fucking done. “Take them or don’t. I’m not Rhett. I’m not going to spend my life putting you first—not the person who’s never done the same for us.”
Doubt and guilt stumble around in my head, but I force myself to ignore them as I go upstairs and grab my things…all of it. I can’t do this, can’t stay in this house with all these fucking ghosts, with the man who is supposed to love us more than anything but who never has and never will.
It doesn’t take me long to throw my shit into suitcases, to pack up my toiletries and haul it all downstairs.
Dad’s eyes widen when he sees me, gaze darting between my luggage and me. “You’re leaving?” he asks, with what almost sounds like hurt in his voice, maybe tinged with a little regret.
“I’m staying with Dusty. I think that will be easier. I can still come over and check on you and—”
“Don’t need you to,” he snaps, because of course he does. Why do I keep trying? Why do any of us?
“Okay, Dad.”
I take my things to the porch and close the door behind me. In the grand scheme of things, I’m not here for him. I’m here for East, for Dusty, even Rhett. But as I drive to Dusty’s house, thinking about being with him and dinner with East, about our hike and swim and what it was like to be back at a place I used to love and have good memories of, I think maybe I’m here for me too.
Dusty is sitting on the front porch when I arrive at his place. He’s got his arms on his thighs, looking down, but his head tilts up when I stop my car, and he smiles at me. It makes my damn insides feel like they’re melting, all from a fucking smile.
After getting out, I ask, “Wanna practice living together now?”
Dusty frowns and stands. He walks over and wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry.”
I don’t need to tell him anything, don’t need to say a word really, and he knows. “Me too, but I’m not surprised. He’s never been good to us. For as long as I can remember, I’ve known who he is, but it’s worse now…it got worse after Mom, and then he didn’t even play pretend after Ella.” I don’t have a lot of happy memories with my father, but there are some. In the back of my head, I know they were all orchestrated by Mom…movie nights, taking the boat out, family trips. But I didn’t feel he hated us the way I do now.
“He doesn’t deserve you.” Dusty rubs his stubbled cheek against mine, lets his lips trail soft kisses down my neck. “None of you.”
“No. He doesn’t. Still, I’ll spend my morning tomorrow seeing if we can get the nurse in more often, and Rhett will likely rearrange his whole schedule to be there for Dad.” That’s just how the Swift brothers work.
“Speaking of Rhett.” Dusty moves me with his body so my back is against the car. He puts one hand on each side of me, boxing me in, pressing himself against me.
My stomach automatically rolls, knowing I won’t like whatever he has to say. “What about him?”
“I went to his house today.” An inferno twists in my chest, my whole body stiffening. It doesn’t matter if it’s illogical, if I trust Dusty, because I do, but the thought of him being with Rhett will always fuck with my head.
Dusty leans closer and sucks my earlobe. “I went to see my friend, baby. Nothing more. I wanted to tell you because I don’t want to hide anything from you.”
It takes me a moment to gather myself, but then my hands find Dusty’s hips. I drop my forehead to his shoulder and breathe him in. “I hate that I’m like this with him. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be, but I can’t help that I want you to fuck me right now just to remind me that you’re mine. That I don’t want you around him unless you smell of me.”
He tilts my head up, offering a small grin. “That can be arranged—both things. But please tell me you know that it’s you for me. That it’s always been you for me, and it always will be. I never even tried to stop loving you because I know I can’t and don’t want to.”
My heart punches against my chest, his words sinking into me, penetrating even more of my armor. I feel what he said against my skin, like the way his fingertips dance all over my body.
“Damn…you really love me.” I kiss his cheek, rub my face against his, the way he did to me.
“I do.”
Sobering, I pull us apart, just enough so I can look in his sea-blue eyes. “I love you more than anything in this whole fucking world, Dusty James, even though I haven’t always been good at showing it. You deserve better than that, but now that you’re mine, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”
“Just don’t ever walk away from me again. That’s all I need.”
“I won’t,” I promise. “Wanna help me take my stuff into your house now?”
He nods. “Our house. It’ll be our place here when we come back to visit.”
Because Dusty is leaving…for me. Leaving his home and what he loves. Jesus, I really don’t deserve him. “I like that.”
We grab the bags and head inside, both of us taking our shoes off in the entryway.
