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Of course, now that I've closed the door over it's completely dark, and I fumble around, trying to find a light switch.
No luck.
I suppose I'll just stand here like a loser in the dark. Alone.
Perhaps I should meditate? Women I meet are always going on about things like yoga and meditation. I've always assumed it's because they want me to know how bendy they are, but maybe they're onto something?
I pull out my phone and search for a meditation app. They've got apps for everything, I'm sure there will be a bunch for meditating. I land on one and as it begins to download I use the light to look around me.
It's a sizable closet, filled with things like mops and brooms and linens. There's a distinct smell of silver polish and ammonia, both of which have begun to fill my nostrils, much to my irritation.
Why isn't this app downloading faster?
“What are you doing in here?” a high-pitched voice demands, and I almost jump out of my skin.
Someone is in here?
“Hello?” I fumble with my phone to locate the torch app, which suddenly seems to have disappeared. “Who’s in here?” I demand, half expecting to find a murderer or some kind of psychopath, wielding a knife, ready to attack.
“Who are you?” an indignant voice responds.
Finally, I locate the torch app and flick it on, scanning the closet.
I suck in a breath as it illuminates a woman, her features lined with fear as she squints at me, her hands held in tight fists in front of her chest.
I relax. She doesn't look like a murderer or a psychopath, or even a ghost. Well, a little like a ghost. The woman is rather pale.
But there's something recognizable about her. The look in her eyes is like a deer in headlights. A beautiful deer. A familiar deer.
I take a step closer to her.
“Get back!” she screeches. “I’m warning you; I know tai chi.”
I press my lips together to stop a smile. “You know how to do slow, controlled movements at sunrise?” If I tried to keep the amusement from my voice it wasn’t much of an effort.
“I meant… karate. I know karate and I’m not afraid to use it!” She unfurls her fists and brandishes her flat hands at me.
A laugh bubbles up, and I do my best to style it out as a cough. “I come in peace, I assure you.”
“How do I know that?” She does a chopping motion with one of her hands, presumably to demonstrate her karate prowess.
“Why don't you put those weapons of yours down?” I reach for her hands to hold them in mine reassuringly. This woman is freaked out and I need to do something.
As my hands fold over hers she snaps them away, raises one in a fist, and before I have the chance to ask what she intends to do with that fist, she jabs it straight at my face.
“Argh!” I call out, my eyes watering as my nose throbs in pain that pulses painfully across my cheekbones. I stagger back, clasping my nose “What did you do that for?”
But no sooner have the words left my mouth when she yanks the cupboard door open and bursts from the room, her skirt billowing behind her as she rushes away from me down the hall.
“What the—?!” I trail after her, muttering in disbelief. Who punches someone in the face in a hallway cupboard when all they were trying to do was show they weren’t a threat?
Through watering eyes, I blink at her as she tears away from me down the hallway—only to fall flat on her face, her skirt billowing up behind her to expose her plain white cotton underpants, and her tiara pinging off her head and bouncing across the carpet.
Who is this woman and what the heck is she playing at?
My instinct kicks in, and before I have the chance to second guess myself, I hurry down the hallway to her aid.
“Are you all right?” I ask.
