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I don’t expect him to take advantage of my boldness. Ford doesn’t act on impulses…outside of hockey. But to my delighted shock, he leans toward my mouth, just one inch. Our mouths are so close, I can feel his breath on my lips. This man that’s been right in front of me since second grade, is literally a breath away. His hot breath is minty, and I want to feel it all over. I must be a glutton, because I don’t just want to feel his lips on mine, I want to feel all of him with all of me.
Never in my life did I think I could feel annoyed to hear my daughter’s happy coos, but right now? Yeah, maybe a little. Nella’s little sounds echo through the garage, and Ford jumps away from me like he’s a match and I’m a drop of gasoline. The man can’t get away from me fast enough.
I sigh and glance toward the garage door to find Ford’s mom, who’s holding Nella, and Farrah is beside them with her arms crossed. They’re watching us with knowing smirks. Except they don’t know because they don’t know this marriage is fake. Something that I also need to be reminded of, apparently.
Ford grabs his suitcase from the floor and smiles up at them, his cheeks are pink from embarrassment. And I try not to let it hurt that he’s embarrassed to have been caught almost kissing me. His wife. Fake wife, I remind myself.
“Hey, how’s my Nella?” he asks, his voice soft which makes me melt just a little more. He moves away from me and closer to my daughter. She kicks her feet happily at the sight of her favorite person.
Farrah and Sally scoot out of the way so Ford can enter the utility room and let go of his suitcase.
We make our way into the kitchen, the setting sun filtering through the large windows from the open living room and making the whole house shine. Sally hands Nella into Ford’s outstretched arms, and he holds her close. I swear I see him sniff the top of her head, very briefly. His mom boops Nella’s nose and talks to her. Joy hits me like an arrow through the chest. Everything happening is what I’ve dreamed of my whole life. A healthy baby in the arms of a perfect husband. Family surrounding us, making even this mansion feel like a cozy little home.
It's everything I’ve always wanted, and all the things I’ve never allowed myself to envision.
And here I am, all of it unfolding before my very eyes…but none of it is real. I’m here on borrowed time.
They say it’s better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all. But is it? For all this joy and happiness to just…expire?
I shake my head, forcing away the negative thoughts. Because I’ve been looking forward to this day all week, and I won’t let these thoughts sour it. For two years, I get to embrace this life. And for two years, I’m going to wring every last joyous drop from it.
Ford turns to me, a big smile on his face. Looking just as happy as I felt a moment ago, before those intrusive thoughts entered my brain.
He bounces Nella slightly to keep her happy, already knowing what she likes after only a few weeks. “It feels good to be back home with my girls,” he says, offering me the softest smile.
My girls. Don’t swoon, don’t swoon, don’t swoon.
I smile back, knowing I’m already falling for Ford in a way I hadn’t thought possible for me and him. And even though I didn’t mean to, it happened.
He kisses the top of my daughter’s head, still smiling.
But how could I not fall?
How could I have ever thought it was possible not to?
CHAPTER
THIRTY-THREE
FORD
I might have trouble reading social situations, but I’m 95% sure Amber wanted me to kiss her. Actually, I’m 99% sure.
The happiness in her eyes when I arrived home earlier today about made my heart burst. And then seeing Nella was equally happy to see me? The best feeling in the whole world. Arriving home after an away stint has always been comforting to me, being in my own home, my own bed, taking a shower in my waterfall steam shower. I’m most comfortable in my own space.
But this was different. This was special. Coming home to my girls was inexplicably wonderful.
Farrah made a delicious dinner for us all—beef enchiladas, and a homemade two-layer, vanilla cake for dessert. Her cooking is impeccable, as always. And the company is great. But all I want to do is crawl in bed beside Amber and get the first restful night of sleep in a week.
The first few nights Amber slept in my bed, I slept like a rock. I thought it was due to how busy and tiring things had been, but once I was in a hotel room alone on the road, I realized it was all Amber. She’s like a comforting bedtime story as a child, but the grown-up version.
Amber went upstairs to nurse Nella and put her to bed for the night, so it’s just me, Mom and Farrah left at the dining room table. I can tell my house has been full of women because there’s a nice tablecloth covering my table, with the bouquet of roses I sent Amber in the center with two of my favorite Sweet Tobacco candles I had in a storage cabinet in the utility room.
I’m minding my own business, totally at peace, popping the last bite of an enchilada in my gullet when Mom pipes up with words that make me internally cringe.
“Let’s stay up and play a board game!”
You know that meme from The Office where Michael Scott is screaming no? That’s where my brain is. I stare at my mother, and she stares back, eyes narrowing.
