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THIRTY-FIVE
AMBER
I wake up to find my best friend watching me. His brown eyes are thoughtful, and when my eyes meet his, his lips tug up in a smile. He reaches out and runs a hand down my exposed arm.
The touch makes me want to do more than kiss him, but I’m not sure either of us is ready for that. We already went from best friends to husband and wife, to…? I’m not sure what this is.
Has he always had feelings for me like his mom and sister said, or am I just convenient because I’m here in his bed?
And is that how he thinks I feel too?
“So, we kissed,” I say, thinking we should talk this out before going on about our day.
“We did.” His rough morning voice has me considering throwing this conversation out the window. “You look shy,” Ford says, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “You weren’t shy when we were kissing.”
It’s not meant to sound sexy; he’s stating a fact. I wasn’t shy then, and I am now. His furrowed brows are saying, Tell me why.
“I guess I’m not sure what this means.”
He nods, scooting a little closer to me.
I put a hand over my mouth. “Don’t come any closer. Morning breath.”
Ford rolls onto his back laughing, and I cherish the sound. The normalcy. See? We can kiss and still be fine. I can feel up his entire torso without anything being amiss. Just best friends over here!
He rolls back toward me, still with a smile on his face. “Amber, I know I’m hard to read, so maybe you genuinely never noticed. But I’ve pretty much always wanted to kiss you.”
My heart rate speeds up. “Really? Why didn’t you say anything until now?”
Ford sighs. “You never looked at me like you did yesterday. In the years I’ve known you, I never got the impression you wanted me to kiss you. Or wanted us to be more than what we were.”
“I did think about it once, before I pushed it out of my head.”
“When?”
“After my eighteenth birthday. You brought me flowers at school like you always did. But then you made sure your mom made my favorite cake. It was so thoughtful.” My hand lifts and strokes over the stubble on his cheek. An innocent touch, really. But intimate, a way I’ve never touched Ford before. It feels so natural to reach for him, to be with him like this. “That day I thought about how lucky someone would be to be with you. But you’d never expressed interest, so I shoved that thought very deep down.”
Ford’s mouth quirks to the side, he looks annoyed and a little pouty. “We could’ve saved a lot of time if you had just told me that when we were eighteen.”
I shove him playfully and he smiles. “You never said anything either! How old were you when you thought about us as more than friends?”
His expression grows serious, those bottomless brown eyes drilling straight through mine and right into my soul. “Amber, I can’t remember what it feels like to not have a crush on you.”
I blink back tears, his honest admission making it difficult to hold them back. “You didn’t just kiss me because I was here and it was convenient?” As soon as the question leaves my mouth, I know how ridiculous it sounds. Ford would never treat me like that. He’d never treat anyone like that.
Ford closes the distance between us and wraps me in his arms. His mouth brushes against my ear as he whispers, so sweetly, “I kissed you because I’ve wanted to kiss you since you sat with me under that desk in second grade.”
“Oh, Ford,” I sob into his black tee, the one he put back on last night before we crawled under the covers. It’s soft and it smells like him, and I might steal it and keep it forever once he takes it off. I’ll never wash it. Too much happened when he was wearing this shirt.
“We’ve wasted so much time.” My words are muffled with my face pressed against his solid chest.
Ford pulls back so he can look at me. He takes my face in those big hands, his eyes glossy like he’s about to cry. “Don’t say that. We’re here now, and we have Nella. Everything happened exactly the way it was supposed to.” He pauses, his eyes searching my face. “No regrets, okay?”
I nod, knowing he’s right. I wouldn’t change a thing since life gave me my daughter. “No regrets. Except maybe not kissing sooner.”
Ford winks and I commit the moment to memory, because it’s adorable.
“Yeah, we definitely should’ve kissed sooner.”
