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“She didn’t tell me much, seemed real skittish when she met me at the diner on the outskirts of town. Seemed kind of remorseful, but I don’t know, sugar, she seemed off, ya know?”
I close my mouth, belatedly realizing that it’s been hanging open in genuine surprise. “Wow.” I shake my head a few times, looking out into the backyard. “I, uh, I don’t even know what to do with that information.”
His fingers pulse around my neck, a wordless reminder that he’s here. “You don’t have to do anything with it. But I wanted you to have it.”
I nod a few times, letting my mind wander and shoving that little development into a small box inside my chest, tucking it away for later.
The warm breeze rolls over us, lifting a few stray pieces of my hair. “If you could go on vacation right now, where would you go?”
He chuckles, but if he’s surprised by my topic change, he doesn’t show it. “Right now?”
“Yeah.” I nod and take another sip, despite it being close to eight o’clock at night. One of the perks I was born with: I can drink caffeine literally five minutes before I go to bed. It doesn’t really keep me awake at night, despite it giving me a nice little boost. “If everything was normal, and there were no fires or worries or anything bad, where would you go? Or top two places if you can’t narrow it down.”
“I’d go wherever you are.”
I roll my eyes playfully, but I can’t deny my insides feel squishy and warm. “You can’t say that. You have to say an actual destination.”
“Okay, sugar. You first, give me your top two.”
“That’s easy: Disney World.” There’s a beat of silence, and I turn to take in his expression. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so surprised. “Not what you were expecting, hm?”
He drags his teeth over his bottom lip, but I see the smile behind it. He shakes his head slowly. “Gotta be honest, I for sure thought you’d say somewhere tropical. Where you can lay on a beach and order Silas to bring you fruity drinks in pineapples and coconuts.”
The image blares across my consciousness, and I laugh. “Oh that’d be good but no. I’ve always wanted to go to Disney World. I even asked for it for Christmas and my birthday for two years straight when I was in elementary school. And for five years, every time I blew out a single candle in whatever fancy dessert at whatever fancy restaurant my parents dragged us to, I wished for a trip. Every time I asked my parents why we couldn’t go, Mom said something disparaging about theme parks. How she wouldn’t be caught dead in them.”
“Sugar.” He says it like he’s apologizing.
“I know I could’ve gone when I was an adult. I had money and I wasn’t under my parents thumb quite as much as when I was a kid, ya know. But I don’t know, going there solo felt too daunting. Too humiliating.” I add the last two words quietly. I didn’t realize how lonely my life was until I came back to Rosewood, until I found them. “It’s stupid, isn’t it?” I force a shaky chuckle.
“It’s not stupid. I’ve never looked into that place that much, but if you want to go there, then we’re going to take a fucking trip to the mouse house.”
“Maybe one day,” I murmur with a chuckle, letting my head rest on his shoulder. “I think Hunter would like all the rides and the characters. Plus, there’s some amazing food there too. And I’ve heard they do a fireworks show every single night. Can you imagine how fun that would be?”
“The most fun,” he murmurs, planting a kiss on the top of my head.
28
EVANGELINE
It’s late and I’m tired, but I feel like all I’ve done is sleep and lay around. It’s a weird paradox because my body is tired but my mind isn’t. It’s in a constant state of spinning, trying to dig into the recesses of my mind and uncover things. At this point, there are so many different things that could stress me out, I’m worried my newfound gratitude for life and my general commitment to living life without regrets is going to slough off like dead skin.
So instead of sleeping next to one of my very attractive, very warm and safe boyfriends, I’m in my kitchen. Overlooking my backyard and the new security lights someone installed and wondering where the fuck I’m supposed to go from here. How long must we live in this sort of suspended state?
My mind drifts to Hunter, as I’ve found it doing often lately. Sometimes I feel guilty about it, too. Like I’m not allowed to think of him so often. The humbling and painful realization I had the day I came home still pricks at me like an embedded thorn.
I’m Hunter's nanny. That’s it.
It’s a position I cherish, and there’s absolutely nothing shameful about it.
But it’s temporary. And it serves to make me feel temporary. It’s an uncomfortable place to be inside my body, like I don’t belong. The most ridiculous thing is that I don’t even blame Silas for opening my eyes to the facts. His son should be his number one priority, and I would never begrudge him of that. In fact, I think I might side-eye him if Hunter wasn’t his number one.
But I know better than anyone how foolish it is to wish for circumstances to be different. No amount of blown-out birthday candles or loose eyelashes or shooting stars will end all of this.
Hesitant footfalls pad across the house, and I tilt my head to hear them. It’s entirely possible that Lincoln came looking for me if he rolled over and realized I was gone. I wait for him to wrap his arms around me or tease me.
“I’m sorry.” The voice is low, barely more than a murmur, as if it’s weighted down by emotion.
Surprise tightens my shoulders, my hands curling over the edge of the counter in response. It’s not Lincoln behind me or even Nova. It’s the one person who’s all but avoided me for days. And I don’t trust myself to turn around.
