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Abe blinks, and for a moment, I see a crack in his facade–like something about my question momentarily pained him.
“What is it?” My voice is soft, not like the usual challenges I hurl at him.
“Eh.” He pulls out, and I’m instantly sorry I asked. Sorry I pushed on his sore spot. I already miss the connection of our bodies. Our souls. He climbs off the bed and disposes of the condom then returns with a glass of water. He lifts under my shoulders to hold me up to drink.
I’m not used to intimacy like this. Being helpless to Abe, but also being under his protection is a flavor I’ve never experienced before. I love how easily he lifts and positions me, how he takes ownership of my pleasure.
I drink the water down, thirstier than I knew, studying Abe as I do.
“Heavy is the crown that rules Wolf Ridge High?” I ask when he takes the glass away.
One corner of his lips lifts in a wry grin. “I guess. To be honest, there’s absolutely no pleasure in it.”
“Then why maintain it? What’s the reward? Kids doing your work and sucking up to you but not actually liking you?” Abe’s expression shutters, and I realize I’m biting too hard. I reach out and grab his forearm with my bound hands. “I’m sorry. That was mean. I really do want to know. Because I feel like that’s not the real you.”
Longing pierces Abe’s gaze. He stares at me like I’m offering something he can’t have. The air between us charges. I hold my breath, waiting for…whatever Abe’s inner struggle is.
But he seems to shake himself then drops his gaze to my hands. In one deft rip, he busts through the layers of tape to free my wrists. “Who do you think the real me is?” There’s a bitterness to his tone that twists like a blade in my belly.
It feels vulnerable when most of our interactions have been snarking at each other, but I say, “This. Right now.”
Some kind of shock visibly runs through Abe’s body–a shudder of recognition? Instead of speaking, he reaches for my face, cradling it as he kisses the hell out of me.
I moan against his lips, hot tears suddenly burning the backs of my eyes. I have no idea what they mean.
Who they’re for.
For Abe? The lost and lonely alpha wolf? Or for me? The girl who couldn’t cry?
No…it’s more about the beauty of the moment. Finding someone to share the broken pieces of our lives.
When he breaks the kiss, a tear spills from one of my eyes. Abe sucks in a breath, bringing the pad of his thumb to my cheek to catch it. “Did I make you feel again?” His voice sounds rusty.
I nod. “Yeah,” I whisper.
“This is the real me.” He sprawls his long form beside mine and wraps his arm around my waist, drawing me against his heated skin.
I touch his chest, running my nails through the soft golden curls there. Another ripple runs through him at my touch, and his eyes glow in the darkness.
“My dad…” He clears his throat. “It’s important to my dad that I maintain alpha status.”
“Why?”
Abe gives an impatient shake of his head. “It’s a family thing. He’s unrelenting about it. He has been ever since the Change when I became my wolf. Before then, I felt like I had my whole life ahead of me, like my future was open and expansive. And now…now it’s like I’m locked into a mold I don’t even fit. Nothing is fun anymore. Even my interactions with my best friends feel fake.”
I stare at Abe, shocked by his admission. It doesn’t make sense to me, but I’m not a wolf. Maybe it’s some cultural thing I don’t get.
“What would happen if you didn’t play the part?”
“I don’t know. I’d lose my status. Someone else would take Alpha–probably Asher. Markley’s stronger, but Asher’s got a desperate streak. His dad got kicked out of the pack.”
“I mean with your dad.”
Abe scrubs a hand across his face. “I don’t want to disappoint him. He wants what’s best for me and our family line. My brother did everything my dad wanted him to. He’s the pre-med golden boy, following in Dad’s footsteps, and I’m a fuck-up.”
I scoff. “Is that what you think? You’re the captain of the football team. The alpha wolf of the whole school. How can you possibly think of yourself as a fuck-up?” And then I remember his struggle to perform in the lab. “Is this about schoolwork?”
Abe doesn’t answer.
