Page 148 of A Calamity of Souls


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“A nice piece of family history.”

After a few moments of silence Hilly said, “That judge is playing one slick game.”

“I guess they saw that the likes of Bull Connor using firehoses and attack dogs on men, women, and children was not a winning strategy to capture the support of the public. So they sent a wolf in a judge’s robe.”

“You’ll have to outsmart him at some point, Desiree.”

“I just have to find the right moment.”

“If I can help you with that, I will.”

“Thank you, Hilly,” DuBose said slowly, unsure where all of this was going.

A lengthy silence was broken when Hilly spoke. “Joshua Taylor?”

“I... I’m sure that was so difficult,” observed DuBose.

“I wanted to marry him,” Hilly bluntly said.

DuBose looked startled, which drew a resigned look from Hilly.

“I’ve never told anyone that. Not even Francis. But I wanted you to know.”

“O-okay,” said DuBose uncomfortably.

Hilly seemed to read her mind. “I’m not telling you this to relieve some guilty secret, Desiree. I wouldn’t do that to you. And, frankly, I have no reason to feel guilty for how I felt. But what I want you to understand... is me. Why I am how I am. Without knowing that, I don’t see any way forward for us, do you?” she added.

“No, I guess not,” said DuBose, still clearly uncomfortable.

Hilly took a small photograph from the pocket of her robe and passed it across to DuBose. “That’s Joshua. And me.”

DuBose looked at a decades-younger Hilly in a long dress with her auburn hair done up and a brilliant smile on her face. Next to her was a tall, handsome Black man. His arm was around Hilly’s waist, and his smile matched hers in its luminous intensity.

“You make a truly lovely couple,” noted DuBose, handing it back.

Hilly looked down at the photo and smiled. “I made that dress from the sacks the cow feed came in. First time I ever wore hose. And those shoes sure hurt something fierce. I was so used to going barefoot. But that was one of the happiest days of my life.”

“Where were you two going?”

“My high school dance was that night. We couldn’t go together, of course.”

“So what’d you do?’

“We had our own little party down by the McClure River. Obviously way back then it was illegal pretty much everywhere for a Black and a white to marry. Not that I cared a whit for what the law said. I knew where my heart was.”

“Did you talk to Joshua about it?”

“Yes. Before he went away to college. I didn’t want him to go. Begged him not to. Or at least to take me with him. But that was crazy talk. I mean, how could he show up at a Black college with a white woman in tow? I waited a year for him. When I didn’t hear anything, I left the mountain and moved to Richmond, stayed with one of my sisters for a while, before moving here and meeting Francis and getting married.”

“I take it you really loved Joshua?” said DuBose quietly. “Because loving a Black man would have involved a lot of... sacrifice.”

“If you want the God’s honest truth, Desiree, it was something more than love, at least the way I looked at it.”

“I don’t understand.”

Hilly set the Coke bottle down. “It was like I couldn’t exist without him. It was as though I couldn’t breathe without him. I had no purpose without him by my side, but with him next to me, I could accomplish anything in my life. Anything. And I had dreams back then, Desiree. As big as the Appalachians. The things I wanted to do with my life. With Joshua. That’s why it hurt so bad when he went away. I didn’t tell all of you the exact truth earlier. After I left home I wrote his mother every week for news. She only sometimes wrote me back.”

“Why is that, do you think?” asked DuBose.

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