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Or hearing the party-goers stagger back from town, whooping and laughing and chasing each other around the quad, and feeling the knowledge deep in my bones that everyone has their own vivid story to tell.
I like seeing dog walkers from town cut across campus to get to the coast path, their furry friends stopping to sniff every lamppost and bench. I like the way the dogs and drunk people lose their minds together, each so excited to bump into the other.
I like the fogged windows of the Brainy Bean, open ‘til late, and the college girls wearing their boyfriends’ hoodies, the pouches stuffed full of snacks for movie night.
I like the moonlight glinting out on the water in the distance, and the speckled stars in the night sky. And I like the silhouette of the greenhouse, looming high on the clifftop above campus. A constant reminder of what happened earlier.
Where does Kai live in town? What is he doing right now? Does he ever think of me when he’s not at work?
Kai, Kai, Kai.
I’m a stuck record, and I don’t even care. He’s all I want to think about, replaying our stolen moments together over and over like a favorite home movie in my brain.
The way he spoke to me earlier, his low voice hushed, green eyes burning bright. The way he touched my shoulder, my neck, my upper arm—the way he took my hand and kissed it.
Kissed it. Holy hell.
And yeah, I know that kiss was as chaste as it gets, his lips barely brushing my knuckles, but… wow. My core temperature has been raised ever since.
As I power walk around campus, I’m cooking under my clothes, hot and restless and achy between my legs. Needing more. More touch, more words, more teasing smiles from Kai Akana. More secret experiments, tucked away together in the miniature rainforest on the hill.
More chances to prove that I can speak, I can talk to this man, damn it.
I could be with him… if he wanted me.
Does he want me?
For the first time, it doesn’t seem impossible.
My feet carry me along the campus paths, weaving a nonsensical trail, and I catch snippets of conversation as I stride past open windows. People are gossiping about parties, studying for tests, arguing about whose turn it is to take all the stolen mugs back to the cafeteria. Living their lives.
On the north side of campus, the auditorium doors are thrown open wide, a shaft of warm light spilling over the paving stones outside. Voices carry out into the darkness, projected in that special way that actors have, and I pause in the shadows, peering through the doorway.
The stage is bare, the set not yet built, and a young man and woman stand opposite each other under a spotlight, each declaring fervent love for the other. The man cups the young woman’s cheek, and she melts closer to him, saying how much she longs for him.
My heart pangs.
“Good, aren’t they?”
The quiet voice makes me jump, and I let out a yelp before seeing Sylvie, a girl from my dorm, leaning against the auditorium brick wall in the shadows. She huffs a laugh, her whole body bundled up in a men’s gray woolen sweater. Whose is that? It looks way too nice to belong to a student.
“Sorry, Eden” Sylvie says. “Didn’t mean to make you jump. I’m waiting for my chance to rehearse.”
Oh, right—Sylvie is a drama student. I remember being surprised about that before, shocked that a shy, quiet girl like her would ever want to stand on-stage in front of a crowd. But hey, what do I know? Being around Kai Akana scares the crap out of me, even calls my ancient stammer back, and I still want to do it for every minute of every day. So maybe I do understand.
“Which part are you playing?” The last English class I took is a distant memory, but even I know Romeo and Juliet when I see it.
“Understudy for Juliet.” Sylvie’s smile is bitter. “One of these days, I’ll get an actual role. You know, when someone sees past all of this.”
She gestures at her short, curvy body, swamped in the mystery sweater. For Sylvie’s sake, I hope she’s right. At least no one in Botany is gonna judge me for stuff like that.
“Hey, maybe Juliet will sprain her ankle.” I nod at the young woman inside, clinging to Romeo’s shirt like she wants to tear it clean off. “Not a break or anything serious.” I wink in the gloom. “Just a sprain.”
Sylvie snorts and scrubs both hands down her face. “I feel guilty even thinking about that.”
“Are you ready?” An older man suddenly appears in the doorway, his gaze skating past me to settle on my dorm mate. He’s handsome and stern, his dark eyebrows lowered, and Sylvie can’t hide her shiver as she blinks up at him. Is that how I look at Kai?
“Yes.” She pushes off the wall, fiddling with those too-long sleeves. “I’m ready. Bye, Eden.”
