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Her head shot up. Her skin paled as she gave Cole a secret filled glance before she looked at me. She couldn’t hide the emotion behind her big round eyes, telling me she knew. Unlike me, she suspected something was wrong. Unlike me, she could comfort Grace. All I brought her was more pain.
“I’ll go right now.” She thrust the first aid kit into Cole’s hands as she jumped up. I watched her shove her feet into sandals as she waited for the elevator. Her tense energy matched mine. Her grim expression mirroring my own as the doors closed around her.
“What’s going on?” My head fell back on the couch as Cole slapped a band-aid on the cuts, calling it good and standing. I heard the clinking of glasses, and a minute later, he shoved a whiskey into my uninjured hand.
“It’s not even nine.”
“Seems like you need it.” He took a sip before sitting on the chair across from me. “Feels like I might need it, too.”
My fingers curled around the cool glass, threatening to break it. To give myself another injury. I fought against the urge. Because if it shattered, I wasn’t sure I could stop myself from picking up a ragged piece and shoving it into my eyes. Maybe then the image of Grace’s scarred body would leave my mind.
“Mitchell.” My brother’s name came out like a growl. My blood filling with rage. “He b-beat her.”
My voice cracked. I saw her again. Standing in my bedroom, practically naked. Her shoulders back as she tried not to fall apart. Her body so fucking beautiful even though he’d tried to destroy it.
“Fuck.” He tossed his drink back, and I did the same, swallowing it in one go. But not even the burn of alcohol could eat the guilt inside me.
I clutched my skull again as Cole took the glass to refill it. I pulled harder, trying to shove the images from my mind. The things he must have done. Cigars. Knives. Belts.
“I didn’t know.” I wasn’t sure who I was talking to. Trying to apologize to. Cole. Grace. Myself.
“None of us did.” The glass clicked on the table as he set it in front of me. I studied him. His mouth was in a grim line. His eyes burning with anger. He was upset, but nowhere near as furious as I was.
And there was no guilt. He had nothing to be guilty about; it was me.
“But I should’ve known!” My fist slammed on the table, making the whiskey topple over.
I knew every goddamn color that made up her naturally red hair. The auburn and brown tones. The copper ones. But I’d missed that she was living in agony.
I knew every one of her gorgeous smiles, but I hadn’t known this. I’d even given them names, for Christ’s sake. I’d seen that fake one a million times. The way her mouth tightened at the corners. But I’d thought it was about me.
Fucking selfish. Even now I was selfish because I still couldn’t let her go. Couldn’t console her when I was the one falling apart.
She was so much fucking stronger than me. So much better. I didn’t deserve her.
“I’ve been there.” Cole sighed. Alessandra had her own complicated history that he hadn’t known before marrying her.
“What should I do?”
“Can you let her go?” His gaze was serious, piercing a hole in my heart. I knew what he wanted me to say.
He wanted me to be a good man. The one I fought to be. Not the criminal. Or the killer.
The one who’d stood by his side when we destroyed his father’s sex trafficking business. When we took over the family and vowed to be better.
Mitchell had stood with us. The fucking liar.
I wanted to be that man, and I hated myself because I couldn’t. Every fiber of my being rejected the idea of letting her go. I’d rather die than be on this earth without her for another second.
“No.” The word was yanked from deep inside. A truth I still fought to admit aloud.
“Then be there for her.” He grasped my shoulder, forcing me to look at him. “You can’t heal her. She has to do that. She has to want to. But you can be there to listen. To fight those demons with her. To catch her. Hold her when she falls apart.”
“She won’t—.” The knowledge of what I’d done caught in my chest. I’d forced her. Hurt her. Just like he had. She wasn’t going to let me be there for her. “She hates me.”
He gave me a sad smile. “Then you have to show Grace who you really are. You’ve been hiding from her.”
Annoying bastard seeing through everything I had tried to do.
