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She drops my hand to touch one of the boxes, like she’s holding vigil over it. “She was my best friend. Have you ever had a female best friend? You become like sisters. I was there with her through so much, through the children and the cancer and everything. And for years she was cheating with my husband.”
“It’s terrible what she did, but punishing her kids isn’t going to make you feel any better.”
She turns away. “It’s done. Like I said, Ethan will get off. There’s not enough evidence. You don’t need to worry about him anymore. Sybil said you two broke it off. Is that true?”
“It’s true,” my voice cracks and my fists ball. “I did it for you guys, not for myself. I love him. He loves me.”
She scoffs and begins mindlessly moving boxes around.
“It’s true,” I force myself to say the words she needs to hear, even if it hurts us both. “Your husband and Victoria King are responsible for what they did to you and Conrad, but the two of you are responsible for the pain you’re causing now. Don’t you see what you’re doing to us? None of this is our fault but you’re making your children pay the price. Those two may be gone now, but we’re all forced to live with their ghosts.”
She drops a box and turns on me, face ashen. “You can leave now.”
“Fine. Push me away, just like you did to my mother,” I continue. “You loved your little sister, right? You hated when she became estranged? Tried to make it up to her memory by taking me in? Well, have you ever stopped to wonder that maybe you pushed her away just like you’re doing to me because she didn’t fit in with your perfectly pretty little boxes?” I point to the boxes filling the room. “So put me away too, just like you’re doing to Gregory, just like you did to my mother. Keep me at arm’s length.” The tears are flowing now. I can’t help it. “But I love you, I do. And I love Sybil. Chandler and Hayes. And I loved Uncle Greg more than you know. And yes, I also desperately love Ethan. And I wish, I just wish, that you would let me love who I want, that love could be enough.”
I’ve struck a chord and she doesn’t have to accept it, but I’m right. I think deep down she knows that. But she doesn’t respond, so I turn and leave, ready to move on with my life.
Fifty-Eight
Igo to Cooper first. He’s been moved to a rehabilitation floor and is open to visitors. He’s watching television when I walk into the private room and looks to be in better shape than I expected. Any bruising on his face is gone but I know that under his hospital blanket is an amputated leg.
“Hi, Cooper,” I say tentatively.
He looks over, his eyes traveling me up and down, and then he smiles. It’s a grim one, but it’s a smile, and it fills me with relief. “Hey, Arden. I was wondering when you were coming around. It’s good to see you.”
“Can I come hang out?”
He points to the end of the bed, the side without a leg. “I’ve got plenty of room.” My chest tightens and he chuckles. “Ah, come on.”
I sit down and immediately jump into my apology. I can’t go another second without getting this out. “I’m so sorry. I blame myself for what happened to you. I understand if you hate me.”
His eyebrows shoot up. “And why is this your fault?”
“Because my uncle found out I was with Ethan and lost his shit. If I had handled things better this never would’ve happened.”
He shakes his head. “I fucking hate that guy and I always will even if he’s dead, but he’s the one that did this. Not you. I wanted you with my brother, remember? This isn’t on you.”
An immense weight lifts from my shoulders. I didn’t realize how heavy it was until Cooper said his piece. I’m still not sure I can forgive myself for everything though. Cooper takes my hand and squeezes.
“What if the roles were reversed? Would you blame me if I was you and you were me?”
I shake my head. “No. I guess you’re right.”
“Yeah, I’m right.”
We talk about his prognosis and how he’ll be ready soon to learn how to walk with his new prosthetic. He seems to be in good spirits, but I know Cooper and underneath all the bravado, he’s angry. I can’t say I blame him. Here’s this young man in the prime of his life, and he loses his leg because someone who he used to see as a role model couldn’t let go of rage. I’d be angry too.
“Have you heard from Ethan recently?” I ask, gazing down and running my fingers along the edge of the bed.
He tuts, his expression turning hard. It’s like the kind, open guy I was just talking to has been immediately replaced with another much more defensive one. I guess I deserve it.
“Is he okay?” I try again.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” His tone goes cold, this is no longer the man putting on the brave face. This is a man protecting his brother.
“I would like to know.” I look up and his jaw is tense. He shakes his head.
“Sorry, Arden, but you lost that right when you broke up with him and blocked his number.”
