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“Cooper, I’m really glad you’re still here, and I’m glad we’re friends, but thank God I didn’t sleep with you because you are quite the manwhore.”
A laugh bursts from him through the line and I smile. “Believe me, that would’ve been a mistake. I’ve learned the hard way that women may want to fuck me, but it’s Ethan who they want to love.”
“Hey, don’t say that. You’re lovable.”
His voice darkens. “I’m not asking for compliments or sympathy, Arden. I know what I can offer and I’m okay with it.”
“If you say so.” I wonder how many women have given their bodies to Coop but held onto their hearts with Ethan in mind?
Ouch.
Cooper and I hang up shortly after that and the cab stops in front of Sybil’s building. I head back inside and go right to my bedroom, throwing the covers over my head and trying not to cry. I’m so fucking sick of tears, I could puke just thinking about crying.
I postponed my train up to Boston for a few days but there’s not a lot of time before school starts and I don’t want to leave here without that conversation. I can’t help but hope that Ethan will forgive me and I’ll end up staying in Manhattan after all. I’m not sure what that will look like for schooling, maybe I’ll have to take the semester off.
A knock raps on the door and Sybil asks to come inside. I pop my head from my pathetic cocoon of sadness. “Come in.” She crawls right into the blankets with me and that’s when the words pour out of me, confessions I’ve been dying to reveal to her for weeks. When I explain my fears about losing Ethan, she hugs me tight.
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. This is my fault. I used my own experiences with Ethan to try to dictate yours and that was wrong. Do you want me to call him?”
I shake my head. “Maybe I need to let him go.”
“Is that what you want to do?”
Just the thought of it hurts. “No.”
“Then you have to go to Nantucket.”
“What if he doesn’t want to see me?”
“He might not, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. I bet he’ll want to hear you out.” She pins me with a confident smirk. “Cooper doesn’t know everything.”
I’m not so sure.
After the funeral, Ethan begged me to stay together, we made love, and then I left him while he was sleeping and blocked his number. It was a fucked up thing to do and I wish I could go back and handle that moment so much differently. I ended us, and then from his perspective, I stood by while my family raked him across the coals. He might even think I lied to the police too. He might hate me.
“You’re going to Nantucket,” Sybil presses, jumping out of bed and grabbing my suitcase that is still packed and sitting in the corner of the room. “Look, you’re already packed.”
I roll my eyes. “My whole life is in that suitcase. I don’t need to haul it to Nantucket.”
“Then take an overnight bag instead. Or just go and take nothing. This is your grand gesture.” Ethan’s grand gesture when he named a boat after me, so this would be the least I could do. “I’ll book the flight,” she continues. “You need answers. You’re going.”
She’s right.
And it just might be the most terrifying thing I’ll ever do, but I agree to go.
The first time I came to Nantucket, it was with a cheap ferry ticket and a tattered suitcase holding everything I owned. This time, I fly first class with Sybil’s Prada overnight bag slung over my shoulder. It’s filled with things that I might not even need. If this conversation doesn’t go well, I’m not staying here tonight. I can’t face being on this island knowing we’re through.
The plane lands smoothly and a car service greets me at the arrival gate. Sybil arranged that too. She says feels terrible and wants to help make things right, but I also think she enjoys arranging other people’s lives, same way she enjoys planning the parties and decorating the homes. She’s good at making things run smoothly. It’ll take a bit of time to fully trust her again, but I still believe she has a good heart.
The driver is a chatty older gentleman. I don’t normally like talking to strangers, but this time is different because I need the distraction. He drives me to the Kings’ estate, the gate attendant not giving us any trouble, thank God. When we pull up to the driveway, I have to hold my breath. The house looks exactly as I remember it. Seeing it again is like seeing Ethan again too. It’s overwhelming and nostalgic, terrifying and hopeful, beautiful and intimidating.
There’s no turning back.
I climb from the car and pay the driver to wait out front for twenty minutes. “If I don’t come back, you can leave. And if I do come back, I’ll need a ride to the airport.”
“Works for me,” he smiles and whips out his phone. “I’ve got a level on Candy Crush to beat anyway.”
I laugh, feeling a little less guilty for potentially wasting his time.
