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Just our family. And I’m a part of that.
Which is exactly why I haven’t confessed the truth about Ethan and exactly why I love Sybil so much. She’s the sister I never had. The friend I always needed. And I couldn’t be more grateful to have her in my life.
She points to the stretch of beach below. The only thing separating it from the house is a crystalline pool, an emerald rectangle of grass, and a line of tall reeds swaying in the breeze. “Now come on, let’s go swimming.”
I hope she doesn’t mean in the ocean.
Thirty-Seven
Iimagine my therapist’s voice in my head. Dr. Cori would tell me it’s healthy to face this fear, but there’s no way I’m getting in the ocean again. I’ll stick to the pool and be grateful I’ve come as far as I have. I’ve been taking swimming lessons for the last two months, ever since I found out about this vacation. I’m still terrible, deep water still makes me panic and freeze up, but at least I can tread water in a pool without sinking to the bottom like a stone. Swimming in the ocean on the other hand? Out of the question.
So as soon as I found out that Sybil absolutely meant to swim in the ocean, I set myself up on the sand with my beach towel and one of the books I bought for this exact situation. She can have the Nantucket Sound. Even if it is far less threatening than the Atlantic side, even if little kids have no problem bouncing around in it, I’m staying right here. Besides, I rarely have time to read fiction anymore now that I’m double-majoring at Columbia. I’ve been looking forward to getting lost in a fantasy world again and this time I’ve chosen a dragon rider book that went viral on social media, the unassuming gold cover hiding the action-packed and spicy content inside.
But I barely have time to read a page before a shadow stands over me. I smile up at my Aunt Amelia, admiring the way she’s tucked her hair under a wide straw sunhat. It’s sophisticated and effortless. I make a mental note to try and replicate it later. Her white swimsuit and gauzy cover-up make her skin look extra tanned. Even at the beach, the woman is pure class. I still find it a bit odd whenever I look at my aunt and cousins for too long and see our similarities. I never had that experience of looking into someone’s face and seeing myself there until I met them.
I’m a lot scrawnier than they are, but otherwise we’re spitting images and I fit right in with everyone except for Uncle Gregory and his mini-me, Hayes. Those men are all tall and dark and naturally tanned. It’s like Gregory and Amelia made cookie-cutter children on purpose.
“She’s always been a fish,” Amelia nods out to where Sybil is wading in the surf, her outstretched hands v-ing over her head as she dives under a wave. “She gets it from her father. Certainly not from me, I hate the open water.”
“And I must get that hatred from you,” I reply, dropping the book. “All I can think about are the sharks and jellyfish that could be lurking out there.” The jellyfish sting I endured two summers ago may no longer be seared into my flesh, but the memory will forever be seared into my mind. I shiver just thinking about it.
And then I shiver thinking about the days that followed that sting.
The days and the long passionate nights.
“It’s a valid concern,” she gazes at me sidelong, but I can’t make out her expression behind the Tom Ford sunglasses perched on her slim nose.
“I’m not scared of sharks.” Chandler bounds up next to his mother and smiles down at me. “Hi, Arden. Do you want to swim with me? We can play sharks and minnows?”
My cousin is two years older but his mental ability is around a ten-year-old’s. Despite that, emotionally and socially he’s more mature than most people I know. The guy quickly became my favorite person after we met and I’m pretty sure everyone in the family has dubbed him their favorite too. Probably because he’s funny as hell. One time he replied to the group chat that he couldn’t go to his dad’s birthday party because he would be busy that night with his girlfriend. He doesn’t have a girlfriend. He was talking about a sexy anime character from the video game he was playing. Another time, he wore a t-shirt that said “Homie with the Extra Chromie” to Easter brunch with extended family, insisting he couldn’t dress up in a suit and tie because he needed to represent his people.
“Can I play sharks and minnows with you in the pool later?” I grin up at him. “I don’t like the ocean.”
“That’s weird.” He shrugs and takes off toward where Sybil is floating in the surf, dunking her under before she realizes he’s there. They both come up laughing.
Amelia watches them with a peaceful lift at the corner of her mouth before directing her hired help toward us. The young man is carrying an umbrella hooked on one arm and several beach chairs over the other. I would fall on my face trying to carry all that but his muscles are popping under his crew neck. Unlike at the Kings’ massive estate, the Laurence’s Nantucket house is much closer to the beach. There’s no bluff here, not a million stairs to descend, so it’s a reasonable request to bring chairs and an umbrella right down to the water’s edge.
Also not unreasonable to picture a hurricane decimating this place but when I brought that up to Sybil earlier, I was assured that’s what flood insurance is for. Must be some pricy insurance, but what do I know? Besides, Sybil had insisted that they only get hurricanes this far north once in a century and the last one was a fluke. I had to bite my tongue on that one, wanting to point out that rising sea temperatures could change things for Nantucket, not to mention the very real hurricane that destroyed parts of this island not even two summers ago could very much become a recurring problem.
Amelia sets up a chair for me to join her, so I do, shaking the sand from my towel and brushing it off my pale legs. Hopefully by the time I leave this vacation I’ll have some tanned legs instead of pasty or sunburned. The young man asks if we’d like anything else and Amelia sends him back for drinks. We watch him walk away, and I stare at his backside a little too long. Sorry, but it’s hard not to, the guy is a handsome devil. Where was he two years ago? It would’ve been a lot easier had I gotten involved with someone like that instead of Cooper and Ethan.
“Speaking of water, how are the swimming lessons going?” Amelia asks.
My aunt was the one who got me into therapy. She insisted on it from day one, and it was my new therapist in Manhattan who encouraged the swimming lessons when I confessed my fears about the ocean and the upcoming Nantucket trip to the new beach house. I keep most of what goes on in my therapy sessions to myself, but swimming lessons was something I discussed with Amelia.
Amelia swears by therapy. She says the entire family has been in it for years, claiming it’s saved her marriage and her kids. I’ve learned to appreciate it too, but I also suspect her insistence on paying for regular appointments has a lot to do with her guilt over my past more than anything else. I wish she would stop blaming herself. She’s been the mother I never got to have, and I love her for that. But it doesn’t matter how many times I express my feelings, she still acts like she owes me an unending debt.
“Lessons are going good but I’m still not getting in the ocean.” I hook a thumb back toward the house. “Good thing you have a beautiful pool.”
She deadpans, “And a beautiful pool boy.”
A laugh bursts from my belly. I’m not sure if she’s joking or serious. My face prickles and I wonder how much I don’t know about my aunt and uncle’s relationship. Probably a lot. And probably a lot I don’t ever need to know. Are they monogamous? Is she just joking? Who knows, not my business.
“Don’t worry,” she explains with a smirk. “I can look but I can’t touch, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun while you’re here. You’re young and single. You should find someone for a little vacation romance.”
My face heats. “That’s not really why I’m here––”
She leans back in her chair, face up and eyes unreadable behind her sunglasses. “You know what they say right? Youth is wasted on the young.”
