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“That’s not what I saw. Not the way he was looking at you when you weren’t looking. He’s in love with you on top of whatever sick game he’s involved in, but the good part is that he’s out of your life because you’re smart enough to keep him out.”
If he only knew how injudicious I am. How impetuous and messed up my decisions are.
I can’t have sex. I can’t bring myself to orgasm without thinking about what they did to me. I’m messed up. Even thinking about a guy touching me, I freeze. My belly turns into knots.
Except with Valen.
After I picked up my car from the hardware store, Azriel insisted he follow me home. He pulls on the dirt road behind me, leading to the trailer.
When I get out, he rolls his window down, angles his head, and looks at the old rectangular box on the bricks.
“I think you should move from here. Mr. Crosby is old and might not get to you in time if someone were to break in. I don’t think it’s safe.”
He means Zack and his teammates. He does have a point.
I’m safe until they find out where I’m staying. It’s one of my fears. What keeps me awake at night. It doesn’t help the triggers for my anxiety. The thoughts that pop up in my head. The way I felt that night when they loaded my drink, and in my absurdity, I drank it without a second thought. I never expected them to do what they did.
Sometimes I can’t get the smell of their sweat out of my mind. How they used my body. How they broke me. How did Zack let them?
They say you never forget your first love or who you lose your virginity to. I didn’t have a first love. I had my first real nightmare, and it derives inside my head, gripping me like a vise and making me want to let go. It doesn’t matter how hard I try. I feel, but I can’t see. Like a smoke screen was placed in front of my eyes, I heard voices coming in and out.
“Yeah, well. I don’t have another option. I can’t go back home. I can’t find rent that cheap anywhere else.”
He pushes the hood off his head. “Why don’t you stay at my place? There’s a spare room. It wouldn’t be any trouble. I’m clean—I have someone who helps me, and I’m not a creep or anything.”
I want to laugh and hug him at the same time. He’s so sweet and brave. It’s a nice offer, but I don’t know him. Plus, I don’t know where he lives.
“I can show you where I live to ease your mind.”
“Thanks, Azriel. I appreciate the offer, but I can’t impose on you.”
He lowers his gaze in defeat. “I don’t want those guys to find out where you are staying, Melody. I didn’t like the way they looked at you. You’re better off at my place. I don’t go out much. I don’t really have friends because they all moved or are in college. I don’t drink or throw parties.”
I unlock the door to the trailer and look back. “I’ll think about it.” He nods, but I don’t miss the worry in his expression. “Bye, Azriel, and thanks for following me home.”
“Bye, Melody.”
The next day, the air was thick with fog. The overcast was sullen. Last night, Azriel’s offer weighted heavily on my mind. It was a nice offer, but I don’t know him enough, and I’m not the best judge of character. I sent a text to Valen thanking him for saving me and Azriel last night but received no response. It left me with a lingering doubt.
What happened? Did he play it out? Did he say something to them about me?
I parked in the lot but didn’t miss the crowd gathered in the mist of the dense fog. A guy runs to the male dorms. One of the female students is sobbing, while another is holding her hand as they walk away from the crowd. Another screams. Girls are crying with trembling hands covering their mouths. Tears run down their cheeks.
When the crowd parts, the swirl of fog goes with them. I see a dead guy sitting at the foot of a tree. His throat was cut. His eyes were staring into nothing. His mouth widened unnaturally due to the split. A pool of blood was underneath him. He is wearing an Ohio football sweatshirt. I recognize him from the Ohio football team. The words written over the white part of the sweater are in his own blood.
GOOD GAME
People begin to fire questions at me.
“Do you know him?”
“Who is he?”
“He doesn’t go here. He’s from Ohio. Football team, I think.”
All I can think about is that he was with Zack last night. In the parking lot after we left the diner.
He’s one of the guys who surrounded Azriel to beat him up.
