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“I guess…yeah, it would.” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “Have you two?”
“Had sex?”
She nods.
“I want to. I mean, she knows I want her, and I told her my problem, and she said... she would think about it.” I rush out.
Jess grins. “She turned you down?”
“The first time, yes.”
“I like her. She’s making you work for it. I think she would be good for you, Valen. I saw her at the diner once. She’s hot, and she doesn’t know it. You’ll have your hands full. If you need anything from me or from us, count us in. You know that, right?”
“I know. It’s why I came to talk to you guys.”
She gives me a hug, and all is right again between us. I feel better. I’m confident I can make this work.
She pulls away. “Do you know who killed that guy from Ohio?”
I look at her and give the only answer I can give her. “No.”
After practice, Garret walks up to me while I’m changing in the locker room. I feel relaxed after pushing myself harder than usual. I’m worked up because I need to have sex. I want to come, but the girl I want to come inside of doesn’t trust me. I can’t jerk off in the locker room shower after practice around a bunch of guys. I’m frustrated. I’m so fucking weak.
“Hey, man. Are you going to the party?”
Normal Valen would smile and say hell yes to alcohol and easy pussy, but I’m not that guy anymore. I want to ask Melody Price if she will go to my house and watch movies so I can kiss her lips and then go to the shower and jerk off thinking about how they would feel around my ribbed cock.
“I can’t. I have plans.”
He smirks. “She still turned you down, huh?”
“No.”
“Liar. I still can’t believe you made me take that creative writing class again. We won’t get credit for it, you know.”
“Fuck you,” I tease. “Like you care.”
“I can’t. I’m straight. Now I know why you did it, but it’s not like you. I’m not going to give you shit about it. It’s a nice class, and I like to hear the girls read about their fantasies so I can fuck them out of it.”
I shove him playfully and pull my shirt over my head. For the first time, I hate what his comment implied. What everyone thinks of me. I’m a sex-crazed maniac. One that can’t be with one girl.
I can’t get over how perfectly we fit when I was leaning over her in the guest bedroom of my house. I waited for my brother to hopefully convince her to come over and see the house. I knew I couldn’t do it myself, so my brother, the perfect guy he is, said he would do it if he got the chance. I almost fist-punched the air when he texted me, and he got her to come to our house. I want to keep her. I want to seduce her in every way. If she only knew what I planned to do to her body.
After work on Tuesday, I went to Ulta and bought the best acne treatment they had in stock. I didn’t care if it was expensive. I researched the best one you could buy over the counter. I saw YouTube videos and came up with a skin routine for Azriel. It was the least I could do for him after he stood up for me Friday night. Valen put him up to it, but I ultimately invited him, so I was still on the fence about the whole thing.
Deep down, it was an excuse to see Valen. I don’t have class with him on Tuesdays. On Monday, he was quiet and observant. I could feel the heat of his gaze on my back, but I didn’t turn around. I tried to concentrate on what the professor was saying, but all I could think about was the scent of his skin. How close he was on the bed. The way his eyes tried to stay above my chin.
The old me would have let him fuck me. Old Melody would have arched my neck and let him kiss me. Old Melody would have lifted her hips slightly, letting him know what I wanted, but that was the old me. The new me is scared. Scared that I’ll freak out and be unable to come.
There are tiny moments when I want to try. To test what I feel for him. Is it fear? Or fear that I would like it too much and want him all the time.
For now, I’ll never know because something else nags the back of my mind in this school. The weird glances I get from the guys. The knowing smiles from the girls when I walk by. At first, I thought it was because I was new, but it’s the same people.
I pull up to the gate to Valen’s house, and it swings open.
Twilight cloaks the sky as the sun sets on the horizon. The lights on the pillars cast a glow on the driveway. I spot Azriel’s truck, but disappointment fills me when I don’t see Valen’s black Porsche.
My stomach clenches, thinking he’s out with someone else. I wouldn’t be surprised. I haven’t given him an answer. Then a part of me says, it was a test and if he’s off fucking someone else, that I dodged a bullet.
