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Oh, God. I looked at my dad. “I need to talk to you. Now.”
He stepped outside. Laura didn’t move. “I’ve, uh, been a little busy. I was going to text you later today.”
I just wanted to get this over with. “Did you steal my credit card information and use it to gamble thousands of dollars online?”
His face paled.
“Jesus Christ, Ray,” Laura said, as if this was nothing new. She shook her head, confirming my suspicions. “Again? I’ve had it.” She scoffed, chucking her cigarette into the pile of butts without extinguishing it. The storm door slammed behind her.
A tear fell from my eye. “It’s true then?”
“Rayne…” He reached for me.
“Don’t touch me.” I stepped back. “I trusted you. I believed you wanted a relationship with me.”
“I do.”
“Then why did you steal from me?”
He looked away, shaking his head then he sighed. “I barely took anything. A few hundred bucks. That’s nothin’ to people like them.”
People like them?
The wind cut across the porch, stealing the breath from my lungs. He was still lying. “It was more than a few hundred. And those people are my family.”
“I’m your family. They’ll chew you up and spit you out as soon as they’re done with you. But you and I… We share blood.”
My jaw trembled. “You’re nothing.” I drew in as much air as I could manage to get the words out that I needed to say but a lump formed in my throat making it nearly impossible to speak. “The sad thing is, if you needed money, I would have helped you. I would have done anything just to know you.” My face chilled as another cold gust of wind whipped against my cheeks where tears had fallen. “What a disappointment.”
I turned, no longer able to look at him.
“You’re the one who contacted me.”
I paused. “That was a mistake.” Meeting his gaze, so there would be no misunderstanding, I said, “Don’t come to my wedding. And don’t ever contact me again.”
My vision blurred as I navigated the decaying path. Martell was there holding open the car door. As soon as I was inside, I looked down. My dad followed me, but Martell intercepted, not allowing him within ten feet of the car. They exchanged a few words and my father eventually did what he did best.
He walked away.
Turning my face into the upholstered seat, facing away from the window, I softly wept. I didn’t want comfort and I didn’t need anyone to tell me it would be okay. I just needed to feel everything I was feeling in that moment.
I was the child of a thief. Forever fatherless.
It was a lifelong dream laid to rest. Fantasies of a child’s heart shattered. I knew I wasn’t that little girl anymore and I knew I didn’t need that man out there, but I mourned for her anyway because she had to learn hard truths the hard way.
Some people were simply undeserving of my kind heart. I wouldn’t soon forget this heartache. I didn’t want to. I needed to feel it now—in all of its horrible fullness—so the pain could protect me later. This lesson would serve as a reminder that my love was meant for those who truly appreciated me and deserved my kindness.
The door clicked and we pulled away in silence.
It was such a numbing release. Perhaps part of my disappointment delivered relief. Now, I knew.
I would never have to suffer that longing again. No more hollow moments of wishing my dad was there. No more questioning what was wrong with me or why he’d abandoned me. The weight of all that blame was gone. Now, I knew it was my choice to let him go. I didn’t want him.
Once we were on the road heading back to New York, Martell asked, “Is there anything I can do for you, Rayne?”
I was the first time he used my name and as I met his concerned stare in the mirror I smiled. This man, who barely knew me, would protect me. Somehow I knew that loyalty went deeper than a paycheck.
But there was nothing anyone could do, so I sniffled and wiped my eyes then said the one thing I needed to hear in that moment, “I’m fine.”
