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She says that in a way that explains Livie has somehow already said yes, and I smile at her. “Okay. We can take it a little bit at a time, yeah? And if you don’t like something, you can say no whenever you want. Do you understand? Both of you?”
Lia nods repeatedly and dramatically. “I understand!”
“Do you girls have any questions?”
Lia pinches her lips dramatically, rolling her eyes and pressing her index finger against her mouth. “Ummm… Yes.”
“Go on.”
“Can I color the mister drawing, Mommy?”
Livie’s eyes widen, sparkling with eagerness too.
“That’s up to him. And you can call him by his name, honey.”
“Daddy?”
“Or Nate,” I explain slowly. “Whatever you want.”
She nods, trying to figure out something even us adults can’t. “Mister Nate, I color the drawings.” She smiles brightly. “Please?”
“Sure,” Nate says, already offering his arms as a smile spreads on his face.
She shrieks with happiness, stomping her feet as she gathers markers and runs to the sofa. Livie follows languidly, holding her yellow pen tightly, and Nate joins them. Sitting between the two.
There’s a mix of anticipation and fear swirling inside me. It’s like I’ve waited for this my whole life…but that also meant waiting for the most lethal man to complete this picture.
An hour later, Nate’s arms, hands, and even fingers are completely covered in colors. Every single minute he’s spent with them, my body relaxed a little more. This is coming naturally to him, like there is nothing else in this world he’s meant to be but a father to Olivia and Celia King.
“More!” Lia exclaims. She pulls at his t-shirt, trying to get under it.
“Lia, calm down.” I try to stop her.
“It’s alright,” he says. He’s been completely quiet, observing the girls and every single movement they make.
He’s learning them by heart. Absorbing their every reaction and trying to understand them. He did the same thing with me because he loved me. The effort he’s putting into this goes straight to my heart. There is no complicated history with them like he has with me. No, everything he’s doing is purely because he wants their happiness. It’s a selfless act because they’re a part of him, a result of us.
Big, bad Nathan White, tamed by two littles girls.
But hasn’t told me anything about how he feels, or what he expects moving forward. This is something I’ll have to dig out myself.
Nate takes off his t-shirt, leaning back in his seat.
Livie silently climbs on top of him and points just under his chest, near his abdomen, with her yellow pen. She turns to me, and my mouth drops open.
“Nate.” My gulp can be heard even through Lia’s random noises.
He looks down at what Livie is pointing out. She’s about to color, but I stand up, striding to her and taking the pen from her. “Sweetie, you’re going to hurt him.”
How it doesn’t already hurt like a bitch is a question as good as any.
My fist tightens around the pen, and tears gather in my eyes.
“Why?” I rasp.
He shrugs. “Because you’re with me, all day, every day. You’re in my head, in my every thought, in my lungs with every breath I take. You’re in my heart, every beat pumping you into my veins. So I tattooed you on my skin.”
“Around the scar I gave you,” I say numbly, even as my chest warms.
