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Rory was a surprise they didn’t want and still don’t. And why I continue to allow this to happen is because I can’t seem to draw a line and force them to not cross it.
“It’s not right,” I tell her. “You know that. But I can’t make her like my daughter or want a relationship with her, so I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get her to leave me the fuck alone. She showed up at my job, Mia. The woman has no boundaries.”
“That’s not right, Liv, but you need to stick up for yourself.”
“How? She will not accept my daughter. She wanted me to marry Marshall and we just didn’t click like that.”
“That’s ridiculous. What mother does that?”
“Mine. And I don’t need Hudson judging me, too.”
Mia scoffs. “What is he going to do about it?”
“I dunno. But I’m his bitch for three months after doing this for me.”
“Liv…” She doesn’t continue until I look over at her. “This is crazy. All this for your mother who has no respect for you. Rory doesn’t deserve to be kept in a box. And Hudson would be lucky to meet her.”
The prick of tears burn the backs of my eyes but I forge forward because I hear what she’s saying, I’m just tired of feeling bad about it. “I can’t change them. And I…” You are such an idiot for agreeing to this, Liv. “I’m buying some time.”
Mia’s brows knit. “For what?”
“For my mother to leave me alone.”
“She’s never going to. You’re her project.” My nostrils flare because being referred to like that makes me feel as though I’m this failure of a person that lives in la-la land all the time. Mia rises from my bed and reaches for my hand. “You don’t need this. You don’t have to prove anything to her.”
I just want her to love me for me and all the things I’ve done wrong or right.
Since I was a child, I knew I was different than Norah. I saw the favoritism and wanted to feel that. I wanted to be loved and adored just as hard. I wanted my mother to be proud of the things I did that were the complete opposite of my sister.
But I’m twenty-three and nothing has changed. I’ve done everything she’s despised and I still forged because I could never live like my sister.
So why do I care about these stupid-ass things she asks me to do?
You’re going up there for Dad’s birthday. You wouldn’t miss it for the world.
“After this visit, I’ll start putting some distance between us,” I reply honestly. “It’s Dad’s birthday. I don’t want to miss it.”
“Doesn’t he miss Rory? When is the last time he’s seen her?”
“Two months ago when he was in town. We went to lunch.”
“That’s stupid, Liv.”
I lift my shoulders because when Rory was one, my mother didn’t have a high chair for her, which was fine because I had brought my own. However, she ignored her the whole time, didn’t once look at her, and it hit me all sorts of fucked up and cruel.
I never brought Rory there again and she’s four.
“I’ll figure it out,” I dismiss because I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Not only am I a disappointment to my mother, but I don’t want to be one to my best friend either.
Or my daughter.
Especially her.
It’s time to start making some changes.
seven
. . .
