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I knew talking to Patty would make me feel better. She just has that warm spirit that resonates so deeply with who I am and how I see the world.
“Thanks for all of that,” I tell her. “I especially liked the pedestal part. It’s a good thing to remember that nobody is perfect.”
Patty nods. “It’s not a bad thing to elevate somebody you love or admire,” she adds. “But maybe find a way to build a staircase around their pedestal so they can walk down when things go wrong. That way, they aren’t faced with a deadly fall from grace when they don’t measure up to your expectations.”
“I love that.”
She smiles. “And that goes for all relationships, not just your mama. Intimate relationships deserve the same kind of care as well.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek as I take in what she said, wondering if she’s giving me general advice or talking specifically about me and Boyd.
“You mean…” I start the sentence but don’t finish it, hoping she’ll clarify without me having to actually ask.
“I just mean the beginning of relationships are fun, like what you and Boyd have going on, but if you get too serious too quickly, you risk building somebody up too high. That’s just setting them up for a big fall, and like I said, nobody is perfect.”
I stare at her for a long moment as I digest what she said, but before I can say anything in response, the sliding door behind me opens up, a sleepy Boyd wandering into the kitchen with a smile on his face.
“Morning,” he says, his voice low as he kisses the top of my head. Then he rounds the counter and wraps an arm around his mom’s shoulders. “Morning.”
“Morning, baby,” Patty says, patting his hand twice. “Coffee’s on if you want some.”
“Yeah, I can smell it. Did you break out the good stuff?”
Patty grins. “When I found out it was Ruby’s favorite, I had to yank it out.”
I smile at her, even though my insides feel like a roiling mess. Her words scroll over and over again through my mind like the ticker tape on the news.
You risk building somebody up too high.
That’s just setting them up for a big fall.
Nobody is perfect.
Is that what I’m doing with Boyd?
All I’ve been thinking to myself during this trip is that he’s too good to be true, that he’s too kind. Too caring, too thoughtful, too good. Too perfect.
I’ve wrapped my thoughts up in the insecurities I struggle with, deciding to try to move past those thoughts to enjoy the man he is, regardless of how things have been in the past.
Now, I’m worried I’m setting Boyd up for a big fall—worried I’m setting myself up for a big fall.
If my mother, a woman I’ve known my entire life, a woman I’ve looked up to and revered for as long as I can remember, can let me down this badly, imagine what a man like Boyd can do.
A man who makes me believe I’m worth taking his time.
A man who proves to me that men can follow through.
A man who shows me love is real.
That place of safety that felt so good and so warm and so solid as we sat at the top of Kilroy now feels like a trembling house of cards.
How long until something big happens and it tumbles to the ground?
How long before wanting a man like Boyd creates a deeper pain than I ever could have imagined?
* * *
“You’ve been really quiet today,” Boyd says as we sit on the deck and stare out at the lake. We’re each settled into an Adirondack chair and sipping on a drink—a local IPA for Boyd, a sparkling water for me—enjoying my last sunset in Cedar Point.
