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It’s foolish to allow my mind to take a route like that, though, especially when there are still so many unknowns. More unknowns than knowns, if I’m being honest.
I know she lives in Boston about twenty minutes from me—because yes, I did a little map search on my phone. I know Ruby has a great relationship with her mom and a nonexistent one with her dad, know she gives massages and does yoga and likes her coffee with a splash of cream but no sugar.
The facts of her life have been coming together in little pieces that are helping me understand Ruby, but it would be unfair for me to think those bits of knowledge make up the picture of who she is.
A warm heart. A soft laugh. A positive spirit.
A willingness to talk out miscommunications, a desire to spend time with family, an interest in listening to others.
Those are better representations of who Ruby is than her job or how well she gets along with her parents.
How I feel about her has continued to sharpen with every interaction. Every look and laugh has brought her into focus in a way I never could have imagined just days ago.
But there’s also something about her that screams at me to slow down. Not because it’s what I need, but because it’s what she needs.
Ruby responds to my physical presence, the touches, the kisses, the flirting.
It’s the other things she seems less certain of, like her struggle to accept that I want her around, her constant worry that I see her as an inconvenience, her hesitation to believe that I want to spend time getting to know her and not just the part of her I can slip inside.
I think it’s going to take some work to convince her I don’t just want to fuck around for a while, but how do you even begin to attempt something like that when you have the limited time we do?
A balance, I think. Finding a blend between what she’s expecting from me and what I’m wanting to give.
I need to be less intense about slowing things down, because I know she takes it as rejection, regardless of what my intentions are. I also need to make sure what I say to her and do with her is consistent in bed and out, need to bring the emotional depth into bed and the physical care into light.
We have eight more days with her here in Cedar Point, eight more days for us to explore what’s going on between us, to dive deeper, to laugh harder.
Hopefully, during that tiny little scrap of time, I’ll be able to decide what it is I want from Ruby, exactly. Because right now, it feels like I want more than just a delicious fling, but I think Ruby might see us as something with an expiration date.
If we don’t get on the same page, one of us is going to get hurt.
* * *
When I open my eyes in the morning, I find Ruby’s beautiful blues staring back at me. With our faces this close, I can see the little waves that make her left eye a slightly lighter blue than her right.
I don’t know how long she’s been watching me, but the idea that she’s been taking me in while I sleep next to her has me pulling her close so I can press a kiss to her forehead.
“Morning,” I whisper, not wanting my voice to wake us up fully yet.
“Morning,” she says back, her body shifting next to mine as she stretches and lets out a yawn.
She blinks her eyes sleepily then tucks her face into her pillow.
“You’re really cute when you sleep,” I say, making her grin. “You breathe really deeply. It’s like snoring through your mouth instead of your nose.”
She snorts and shoves her face farther into her pillow, keeping just one eye looking at me.
“Rude.”
Her voice is muffled, but I can still hear her amusement.
“Sorry I fell asleep so hard. Did you carry me up here?”
I nod.
“God, I don’t even remember. Maybe it was the swim or the hike or the jet lag or the food, but I was out.”
I shrug a shoulder, turning fully on my side so my body is facing hers, propping my head up with one arm.
