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“I do, but this is Theresa’s story, not mine, and she’s a big celebrity.”
“I don’t care what she does to earn her daily bread. She’s important to you, and that’s the only reason she’s important to me.” Dottie raised her chin. “Whatever you have to say, rest assured none of it will leave this room.”
“I’m sorry I asked. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes, in exchange for your fortune cookie.” She canted her head and studied him. “So, tell me why Theresa hadn’t seen her mother in more than two decades, and what does it have to do with the two of you.”
Caleb launched in the essential details of Theresa’s childhood, ending with her mother’s experiences with Theresa’s dad, and what the man had done to Vanessa. It felt so damn good to get it all off his chest and to finally express his disgust and anger toward the man behind it all. Besides, doing so gave Dottie a better understanding when it came to his feelings and what he was going through. Dottie was nothing if not insightful.
“What a piece of shit that poor girl’s father turned out to be,” she huffed out.
“Yeah.” Caleb nodded. “Dottie, I’m going crazy, and I don’t know how much more I can take. This keeping my distance thing, being nothing more than her friend when I want … Damn. I want so much more, and she seems completely oblivious when it comes to what I’m feeling and how she affects me.”
He rubbed his face with both hands and groaned. “She’ll reach for my hand, lay her head on my shoulder and fall asleep snuggled up against me with my arm around her … and I’m just supposed to be this … this pillar of stony restraint. I’m supposed to be … still?”
When Theresa had fallen asleep pressed against him with her head on his shoulder, what could he do other than offer his support and comfort? Having her in his arms like that had been agony the entire flight. Theresa was driving him out of his mind.
Turning a little surly, are we? The rascal on his left shoulder chortled. Case of the blue balls much? You do have a hand, you know. Give yourself some relief already.
Oh, he planned to, and he’d go on an extra-long jog tomorrow morning. What choice did he have? Caleb took another swig of his beer. “She’s in therapy. After we made love, things were awkward between us. She finally worked up the nerve to inform me she’s not emotionally secure or healthy enough at this point to be physically or emotionally intimate with anyone. At the same time, she also told me how important I am to her, and she doesn’t want to lose or jeopardize what we have by crossing a line.” He snorted.
“This is torture. We already are emotionally intimate, and dammit … this one foot in, one foot out thing isn’t working for me. I’m tied up in knots.”
“I understand. I really do.” Dottie leveled an intense look at him. “Caleb, trust is an entirely new experience for her, and that’s huge. My guess is she’s probably already in love with you, which is why she’s so worried about losing what you two have if she crosses any of the lines she’s imagined truly exist. She’s going about this all wrong, but how would she know any better?”
Dottie shrugged. “The way I see it, she’s afraid to upset the apple cart because … well … she’s afraid she’ll lose all the apples if anything between the two of you shifts. The thought of altering the status quo must be terrifying for her. It’s so much safer to keep things as they are, no rocking the boat for this girl. Nothing has ever gone well for her relationship-wise with the men in her life before, so why would things be any different with you? And—you need to understand—none of her issues have anything to do with you.”
“But—”
“Don’t you get it, Cal?” Dotti’s brow rose. “What she has with you is precious, and it’s something she’s never had before in her entire life. In her mind, the slightest misstep on her part, and what she has with you will all disappear. You’ll disappear, or worse, you’ll turn on her. You said she worried she’d crossed a line when you two fell into bed together, and she panicked. Why? Because, whether she knows it or not, she will not risk losing you, even if that means keeping things as they are even if she does want more. That’s why.”
Caleb nodded. “That makes sense, in a very depressing-for-me kind of way.”
“I know it’s torture. So, the question is, what do you want?”
“I want her. She’s not the only one who has fears. In her current state, I don’t want to inadvertently influence her journey toward finding out who she’s meant to be.” His jaw clenched and so did his chest.
“Yeah, you can let that go. You’re a decent man right down to your toenails, and you care about her. You don’t have a manipulative bone in your body, so that notion might be your own defense mechanisms getting in the way.”
His brow creased at that observation. Was she right? He’d have to think about that later. “Are you sure you don’t have a degree in psychology?”
“Nope. What I have is an honorary degree in years and years of life experience.” She took a swallow of her beer and scrutinized him. “Really, it hasn’t been all that long since you two have become close, has it? A few months, right?
“You’re right. It hasn’t been all that long. Okay, so how do I convince her I won’t disappear or whatever if the status quo shifts between us?”
“Patience,” Dottie said. “Things are going to come to a head soon. As you know, I have a sixth sense when it comes to these things.”
“No, I didn’t know.” He barked out a laugh. “You’ve never before mentioned this sixth sense of yours.”
“Well, now I have, and it’s money in the bank. You can count on my intuition.”
“Right. I don’t suppose you have any kind of premonition about how things will shake out for me when everything does come to a head, do you?”
“Afraid not.” Dottie flashed him a sympathetic look.
“Shit.” Sighing, he wondered what the trigger might be that would lead to his future happiness, or to his total annihilation. “Well, damn.”
* * *
