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Her face heated. “There’s more to it than that. The longer I know him, the more attractive he becomes. Caleb is supportive, considerate, respectful, fun to be with, and there’s this … physical connection between us. When the memories from that night we made love come flooding back, I … want him.” She groaned.
“I think I might be falling for Caleb, and I’m terrified. I’m in therapy. My divorce is so recent. What if I do start something with him, and it all falls apart? I wouldn’t be able to bear the loss.” She sucked in a breath.
“Am I ready for this? Am I in any kind of emotional state to begin a serious relationship?” She sent Jenna a pleading look. “What should I do? Having Caleb in my life has been so wonderful, and I really, really don’t want to wreck anything.”
“Theresa, it might surprise you to learn that most people go through these same kinds of mixed emotions when growing close to another person. On that front, take a breath, let it out slowly, and know that what you feel is normal. Given your history, these feelings are more intense, and there are more insecurities to deal with, but it’s still normal.”
“So, I should tell him how I feel? Or….” She frowned.
“What do you want to do?” Jenna asked.
Her eyes stung, and she reached for a tissue. “Bottom line, I don’t want to lose him. What that means in terms of what I should do isn’t clear to me yet. I keep asking myself if what I’m feeling is codependency or if it’s the real thing because I’ve never been in love before. I’ve never had a man like Caleb in my life, and maybe I’m just reacting to the novelty. This is all so risky and scary, yet, one thing is clear. I want Caleb to be a permanent part of my life.”
“I understand, and processing these confusing feelings is a step in the right direction.” Dr. Grayson leaned forward in her chair. “Trust yourself, Theresa. Trust your intuition to guide you. You’ll begin to recognize and separate the fear and insecurity from what you truly want and what is best for you. Give yourself permission to explore the confusing emotions, and keep your mind open. No one can tell you what is right for you. Only you can do that.”
“Great.” She snorted. “For the first time in my life, I think I might be in love, and I was hoping you’d give me the green light or the red light,” she grumbled. “Now I have to figure everything out for myself.”
“Welcome to adulting.” Jenna smiled. “I’m here for you as a sounding board, not as a gatekeeper. We can talk things through and explore together, but the goal here is for you to make your own healthy decisions.” She rose from her chair.
“On that note, let me give you the next book on the reading list. This one is about the four essential keys to effective communication.” Jenna pulled a book from the bookshelf and handed it to Theresa. “I believe you’ll find this book particularly helpful at this point.”
“Thank you.” She glanced at the title, which actually contained the words four essential keys in it. Theresa tucked the book into her purse. “I forgot to bring the last book back this morning. I’ll return it next session.”
“No hurry. Keep it for as long as you need to.” Jenna followed Theresa to the door. “You’re doing really well, Theresa. I hope you feel good about the progress you’re making.”
“I do. See you next week.” Theresa collected John from the reception area, and they headed down the three flights of stairs to the back door. Instead of the relief she usually felt after a session, she continued to feel unsettled.
Learning that what she’d been feeling was normal had helped, but facing those feelings and deciding what to do about them was the hard part. At least the decisions were hers to make. She was finally learning to stand on her own two feet.
* * *
Caleb rose from Theresa’s piano bench and tucked his laptop into his backpack. “I think we’re ready to share this new song with the band. What do you think?”
“I agree, and I have a couple more songs written and ready to go.” Theresa brushed her hair back over her shoulder. “We can begin working on number three next Monday.”
“Speaking of next Monday, how would you feel about my coming your way every week? That way, you’ll be here for your boys when they get home from school.”
Her brow rose. “You wouldn’t mind driving my way every week?”
“Not at all. I enjoy spending time with Charlie and Jeremy.”
“We could do our card openings on Mondays then, make it a weekly rather than a daily thing. They’ll be happy to put you into the rotation.” Theresa set her folder against the music stand of her baby grand. “In fact, we could open one now.”
“All right.”
Theresa gathered her sons and Elli from the backyard. “Elli, I’m done working for the day, and I know you have plans. I’ll take over.”
“Thank you.” Elli smiled and took off for her room.
John also joined them in the kitchen. He helped himself to a glass of ice water before leaning against the kitchen counter. “Nice to see you, Caleb.”
“You too.” Caleb nodded.
“So.” Theresa turned to her children. “Caleb and I were talking, and since you want him to be an official card opener, what about if we open them once a week on Mondays? He’s offered to work here each week rather than having me drive to Ventura.”
“Yeah,” Charlie said. “That way they’ll last longer. So far, we’ve opened a Christmas card, an Easter card, and a valentine.”
Jeremy beamed. “Today can be Caleb’s turn.” He grabbed Caleb’s hand. “Come on. Me and Charlie will show you where everything is. You can carry the treasure chest to the kitchen, and Charlie can carry the card.”
