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She took her phone back and swiped quickly before putting her fingerprint on the screen. The front door to the house swung open with a click. It only opened an inch or two. She gave me a wave. “Good night.”
Fuck that. A wave? I grabbed her arm and kept her from entering the house. I bent down and gave her a kiss that I hoped she would dream about. A hot, demanding kiss that maybe she would remember when she was getting herself off in the shower.
A kiss that I would remember when I was sitting on a barstool, chasing happiness. Fending off anger.
“Good night.” My voice was gruff and I pushed the door open all the way. Then I pushed her through it, afraid I might haul her back to my place and make her forget all about self-soothing when I thrust my cock into her mouth.
The last look she shot me over her shoulder was enigmatic. Just big, brown eyes in a pale face. Then the door shut.
I went back to Brian’s car and got in the front seat. “Don’t say a fucking word,” I told him, even as his mouth opened to speak.
“It’s a free country,” he said. “And I can’t figure out what these girls see in you. I mean, look at this house. Her parents are loaded. Yet, she wants to take your dick in her? I just don’t get it.”
I rubbed my jaw, annoyed. “Girls like a bad boy, don’t you know? Lose the golf shirts and maybe you’ll get some ass.”
He shrugged as he drove. “I’m married now. I married Kim Seeney.”
“Poor Kim.” What about I didn’t want to talk did he not fucking understand? “Pull over. I’m walking.”
“What? Don’t be a freak. That’s a forty-minute walk and you’re fucking barefoot.”
I wanted to settle down with my whiskey and think about Sophie. I felt the rage climbing inside me. Scratch, scratch, scratch. Let me in, it always whispered. Open the door and welcome me. “Then shut up.”
“Does that girl know you have a kid?” he asked.
The door crashed open with an explosive bang as I yanked the handle. “Fucking pull over.”
“What the hell?” Brian shot me a look of alarm. “Alright, Jesus. Calm down.”
“Don’t ever talk to me about that kid,” I said. “Do you understand me? Mind your own fucking business.”
Everyone in town talked about the kid. They debated endlessly whether or not it was mine or my identical twin brother’s baby. There was no way to know. Ever. And we all knew that, because we had both fucked Ali the same week. Me, because she was my girlfriend. Christian, because he was a fucking asshole. But almost no one had the balls to mention it to my face. That Brian did right now sent me into a red rage.
I didn’t even wait for him to answer. I just got out of the car, and with shaking fingers, reaching into my pocket for that crumpled pack of cigarettes. After slamming the door shut, I lit one and walked, not even noticing the asphalt beneath my bare feet. I took a deep drag and walked quickly, craving a drink.
My mouth was dry and I was furious because now instead of Sophie’s face all I could see was the sweet, innocent face of the eighteen-month-old boy who was either mine or Christian’s.
And all I could feel was how much that hurt.
—
I had been hoping to escape to my room undetected but Bella was in the family room and immediately turned when the front door clicked shut behind me.
“Oh, my God, there you are! I have been so worried. Sophie, it’s like three in the morning!” She jumped off the couch and rushed over to me, wearing yoga pants and a tank top. Her hair was pulled back from her face and she had scrubbed all her makeup off. Bella didn’t believe in clogged pores.
“I’m fine. I texted you.” I could hear a touch of childish defensiveness in my voice and I felt guilty over it. I should be grateful my sister was worried about me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
She pulled me into a hug and I let her, even though hugging is not normally in my wheelhouse. “You smell like sex,” she accused, pulling back and eyeing me. “Holy shit, you had sex with that bar guy. Sophie Jane!”
That amused me. “Stop trying to be Mom. And yes, I had sex with him.” I thought about it, the feeling of Cain inside my body, moving with confidence, stroking me to orgasm. His tongue on my clit. “Good sex, I think. I mean, I have nothing to compare it to, but I would say that I enjoyed it, so presumably that makes it good sex, doesn’t it?”
Her eyes widened. “Why would you do that? Why would you save yourself all these years and then go and hook up with a Mainer? I don’t even understand you.”
I kicked off my shoes and set them on the shoe rack in the hall closet. I don’t like shoes in my room. I’m convinced I can smell foot scent emanating from them. “You don’t have to understand. But I wasn’t saving myself for my soul mate, Bella. Or my wedding night. I liked this guy, and I did it. It was like shedding a skin.” My virgin shell. “I feel better equipped to date now.”
“Did you use a condom?” She bit her fingernail. Then realized what she was doing and dropped her hand.
“Of course. I’m not stupid, remember?”
