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I was in no position to be anyone’s boyfriend, certainly not the virgin girl genius. Or former virgin.
So there was no harm in any of this. No harm in taking as much satisfaction and, hell, comfort from being with Sophie as I could. She made me laugh, something I hadn’t even thought was possible anymore.
In a couple of days she’d get swept fully up in to the wedding activities and that would be that. Maybe down the road, when she was in her forties, and having a midlife crisis, she would tell her girlfriends about the local Mainer who had stunk like fish and fucked her in the shower.
By then I would most likely be dead.
There was a cheerful thought. Make the most of today before I drank myself to an early grave. “I don’t think your mom would like me very much,” I added.
She shrugged. “My mother is mostly disappointed in everything I do.”
That did surprise me. “What? You’re going to Harvard. How could she be disappointed in you?”
Sophie bent over and retrieved her panties and pulled them on. “It’s the whole socially awkward thing. That embarrasses her. She also doesn’t find my sense of humor amusing. It’s okay. I can see her side of it, and I think a lot of parents struggle to understand their children are not extensions of themselves, but whole and separate humans.”
That was an interesting thought. I stepped into my boxer briefs. “I don’t think my mother feels that way. I think she has a very carefree attitude and maybe love that is just a little too unconditional. We’re a bunch of fuckups and she acts like everything is fine.”
I didn’t even think it was a coping mechanism. She was just proud of us, for no apparent reason.
Sophie laughed. She pulled on her T-shirt without her bra first, which made me happy. “Well, that must be nice for you. Love isn’t a bad thing.”
I stuck my head under the faucet to drink again. I had cotton mouth from the wine. “My dad is in prison,” I said as I stood up and rubbed the moisture off my bottom lip. “And when he gets out, for like the tenth time, my mom will take him back. For like the tenth time.”
“What is he in prison for?” she asked, looking scandalized.
“Stealing copper.” I opened the bathroom door. I was getting hot from all the steam lingering after our lengthy soapy shower. This was the cleanest I had felt in a long time. “Is that a balcony?” I asked, pointing to the back of her room. It looked like a slider leading outside.
“Yes.”
“Can we go out there? Is it private?” Fresh air sounded fantastic.
“Yes, it’s private. Well, I mean if Bella comes out on her balcony, she would see us, but she never does. She doesn’t like the way the water sounds.”
That cracked me up. “What? Who doesn’t like the way the water sounds?” Was that even possible?
“Right? And she says I’m the one with weird tics and habits.” Sophie got a satin robe out of her closet and pulled it on. “I’m going to go get you water. I can’t stand to watch you drink from the faucet a third time. I’ll meet you out on the balcony.”
I grinned at her. “Driving you that crazy, huh?”
She nodded. “Yes. I thought I could ignore it, but I can’t.”
She was cute even when she was being OCD. And damn, that honesty. I loved it. It was such a change from my past. “Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate the water. And the honesty. And your body.” I gave her a wink.
Sophie rolled her eyes, but her cheeks turned a little pink. “I appreciate your honesty and body too.”
Was I being honest with her? I guessed I was. I had told her about Camp. My father. Christian. Maybe it was easier to offer that when I knew I could trust her responses. I knew she wasn’t manipulating me, playing me, lying to me.
“We’re kind of fucking awesome, aren’t we?” I asked her. I meant that in the most general terms. A joke that we shared a superiority to others.
But Sophie got a strange look on her face. She suddenly turned and just said, “Be right back,” and left the room, pulling it closed behind her.
I went out onto the balcony. It was a little cool, but the air felt good on my hot skin. My head needed clearing. Of booze, of crazy thoughts. Because I was thinking that if the world were a different place, maybe Sophie could be mine.
There were two little chairs placed on the small balcony but I ignored them and went straight to the railing. I leaned on it, taking a deep breath. I could smell the sea. It wasn’t inky black out yet. It was just dusk, and I could see the buildings up and down the coastline. Houses, restaurants, and the huge hotel downtown.
When Sophie came out to join me, she handed me the bottled water and leaned over the railing next to me. “Are you going to put on pants?” she asked.
“Nope.” I took a huge swallow of the water. “Are you?”
