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Maybe Cain had become part of what soothed me.
That was hugely ironic and dangerous.
—
I had teased Sophie that I would be her dirty secret but neither of us was making any effort at all to hide what we were doing. I paraded her sweet little ass around town, like fuck yeah, look at me, being normal. Dating a girl. And not just any girl. A fucking Harvard genius. We got a lot of raised eyebrows but Sophie didn’t seem to notice. I caught every one of them and I knew what the locals were all thinking.
I didn’t deserve her.
I didn’t.
But she wanted me and I wanted her and if there was one thing I was good at, it was living in the moment.
I was staring into the window of a woman’s clothing store, mentally taking the red dress off the mannequin and placing it on Sophie’s curves, when she came up beside me, breathless. I had been waiting for her to sneak away after a family dinner in town. Glancing down at her, I gave her a smile. “How was dinner?”
“Boring.” She went up on her tiptoes and leaned toward me, clearly wanting a kiss.
Yeah. There it was. Fucking emotion I didn’t even know what to do with. Because when she reached for me, I wanted to take her to me and keep her there forever. But I kissed her anyway, a tender kiss, where I cupped her cheeks and let it be real.
A bump on the glass of the store window drew my attention away from Sophie. I glanced over and saw an employee changing the shoes in the display. But she barely registered. What I mostly saw was me and Sophie reflected back at me. Her hands were on my waist, mine on her face.
Just a man and a woman, together, like a hundred others wandering around this town. But for the first time in fucking forever, I saw happiness in my expression.
It felt amazing. But it also scared the hell out of me.
I had promised myself I wouldn’t drink tonight. Sophie only had a couple of hours. There wasn’t even time to sneak back to my house and have sex. So I had vowed to be sober and decent. But now I wanted the kiss of whiskey, a chaser after the sting of Sophie, the realization that I could enjoy this all I wanted, but it wasn’t going to last.
“What did you tell your parents?” I asked her, turning, not wanting to see myself anymore.
“I told them the truth. You know I can’t really lie particularly well. So I just said I wanted to see you. My mother lectured me on birth control and how you might just be using me for my father’s money.”
While I would never want Sophie to be dishonest, sometimes her truths were a little kick in the dick. Of course her parents would think I would be a risk, a potential gold digger. It was logical. But it still pissed me off. “There’s a lot of things I want but money is not one of them, Soph.”
As for the birth control topic, I wasn’t touching that with a fucking ten-foot pole. I trusted Sophie wasn’t stupid, and was on the pill, even if we weren’t also on point with our condom use.
“I know. But she’s worried I’ll fall for you.”
I searched her face, curious. I wasn’t sure if she was just relaying information or getting at something. “Would that be such a bad thing?” I asked. Then I answered my own question. “Actually, yeah, it would. You’re smarter than that.”
But her big, brown eyes were wide and dark and drew me in. She opened her mouth, but then she shut it. Her hands fell off my waist. “Let’s go to the park.”
There it was. The nothing I had been anticipating. I clenched my jaw, swallowing hard, my throat tightening. And again, the craving. The flare of my nostrils, the hot wave of anger that seemed to crash through my veins, a brutal impatience with reality, and the driving need to escape.
Alone I would have walked straight into the bar. But I made twin fists and said, “Sure.” Ninety minutes. I could do this.
But then I spotted a familiar figure. “Ah, fuck.” I shook my head. I didn’t need this shit right now.
“What?” Sophie asked.
“That’s my mother across the street.” With Camp. At the goddamn ice cream parlor. “She saw me so I can’t dodge her.” Which I really wanted to do. I didn’t feel capable of dealing with her fretful optimism.
“Oh. Do you not want her to know we’re…seeing each other?” Sophie sounded a little vulnerable.
“No, that’s not it.” I wasn’t sure how to explain it. “She’s just annoying.” She was also waving frantically, gesturing for me to come over there. When I didn’t react she actually cupped her hands around her mouth and called my name. People were starting to stare. “Jesus. Do you mind if we walk over and say hi?”
“I don’t mind.”
In fact, Sophie sounded curious. That was fucking unnerving. Sophie curious during sex was amazing. On the street it was unpredictable. With anyone else, that didn’t matter. With my mother, it could get real weird real fast.
