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“I don’t know that you do.”
“Of course I do. This was the world you were brought up in. We marry at least near our station. Someone with accomplishments and careers and degrees, and a pedigree too, if we’re lucky. Remy is none of those things, but I don’t love him any less for it.”
Her eyes widened at my casual use of the word love.
“Oh, don’t lose your mind, Mother. I’ve already told you—we knew what it was when we started. I’ve no idea know how he feels about me, only that I have a devastating need for him and—oh, not like that. Well, actually, like that, but also simply for his company.”
“But this is exactly my point, darling.” She reached across the space between us to lay her hand on mine. “A little fling can bloom and grow until it chokes every flower in the garden. I would know well enough.” I must have looked confused because she said, “Yes, of course. I haven’t told you that I once had a Remington of my own.”
My mouth opened. No words came out.
She let out a breath and retracted her hand. “I was younger than you are now, and he was a little bit older. He was my riding instructor one summer—I was twenty, and life was all figured out for me, you see. But then I spent my days with him and learned about him. I learned the way his lips curved when he smiled. I learned what he wished for, what hopes he held. I learned how it felt to give a man your heart. And I learned what it meant to give up something I loved. Do close your mouth, Jessamine.”
I snapped my mouth shut.
“Thank you. It begins with the most innocent conversations. A brush of a hand maybe, and before you know it, he’s all you can think of. Then you’re kissing, then worse. I love your father, I do. But I loved Peter. I’d never wish the pain on you of having to give Remington away, should you decide to drag out the affair.”
“But why did you give him up?”
“Because he was never mine to keep.”
“That was a choice you made, Mother. You could have chosen differently.”
“Oh, of course. It was so simple, was it? Disgracing my family, destroying my inheritance? I had responsibilities, Jessamine, as do you. There was no running away simply because I loved a man. The rest of my life was too big for something so trivial.”
“A true romantic.”
“Darling, it isn’t that I wish anything but happiness for you. I wish you love, of course I do.”
“Conditionally.”
She shrugged. “It’s the nature of things.”
“All this time you were trying to protect me when I...well, I thought you hated Remy.”
“Oh, I do. He’s beneath you in every way. He’s a horrendous influence and couldn’t tell a salad fork from a port glass. I was hard on you both, but really, I was furious. And with every right, I might add. But it terrifies me to see you with him. I understand intimately what trouble he could be.”
“Because of my feelings for him.”
“Because of his feelings for you.”
“Oh,” was all I could say in my surprise. Just a hint of a word on a puff of air.
“Surely you know.”
“I suspected. But Mother, he doesn’t want me to stay.”
“Has he said so?”
“Well, no?—”
“Of course he hasn’t, because the suggestion is absurd. You barely know each other. He’d sound like a fool if he mentioned it.”
“But . . . well . . . he doesn’t want to tell anyone either. Not that we’re really seeing each other. Only fake seeing each other.”
“And why is that?”
“Cassidy will murder us both.”
