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“Whoever is messing with you, Em. Em . . . I came home and Frank was sitting on the front porch because the front door had been left open. I went into the house and nothing was taken, but when I got to Ireland’s room . . . Em . . . they messed up Ireland’s room. It’s bad.”
I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut and all the air in my lungs escapes me. I can’t breathe. On a whisper I manage to say, “What?”
“I am so sorry. I hadn’t gotten to turning on that alarm system yet, sis. When I find who did this I am going to make them wish they were never born. Trust that, Em. This is going to end now,” He hisses.
“How do you know it’s the same person who’s been threatening me?”
“Em, they left a note in your room. It’s the same person. It says basically the same thing all of those damn text messages from the last week have been saying. Now, go to mom’s because I don’t want you guys to see this. I have detectives on their way over. We’ll get things cleaned up as best we can before you come back. Where did you get Ireland’s bedding? I’ll see if I can replace it with the exact same thing so it isn’t so obvious to her.”
I can’t even reply to him. It’s so bad that he has to replace Ireland’s bedding. What have I done that is so wrong that my baby girl deserves this?
“Em, you there?”
Shit! I need to snap out of this. I have a little girl to take care of. If the last week or so of my life is any indication, I’m on my own in this world except for Mick, Mom, Alex and Cami. I need to get my head right and work with Mick and do whatever he says.
“Yeah Mick, I’m here. Her bedding is from Target and I think it’s one they always have in stock, but I can go get it. You don’t have to do anything else. It’s my fault your house was broken in to. I don’t know what’s going on, Mick, but I am so sorry.”
“Stop it, Em. This is not your fault and that will be the last time I hear you talk like that. Listen, get to mom’s and I’ll call Cami and have her meet you there, okay? We’re gonna figure this out, sis. I won’t rest until we do. Detectives are here, so I got to go. Love you, sis, and call me if you need anything or if you get any more messages, okay?”
“Okay, Mick. Thanks.”
That was an hour ago. Now here I sit, perched on the edge of my mom’s couch with Ireland draped across my lap. I can’t seem to sit back and relax into the couch. I’m sitting on the edge feeling like I’ll need to jump up and protect my baby girl at any moment.
Cami is gently rubbing her hand up and down my back and trying to soothe me with reassuring words. I think she’s worried because I haven’t really said anything in the last hour. Nor have I cried or had much emotion at all. I am just holding Ireland and staring blankly ahead. I know that my silence is freaking Mom and Cami out. I heard Cami on the phone updating Alex, and I could hear the worry in her voice. But I can’t speak. I feel like if I talk I might lose it. But I am a mom and I don’t get to lose it. I have a little girl in my arms that needs me to keep it together.
Cami has been there for me every day since Jonathan’s shooting. She helped Mom and Mick with Ireland and then when Jonathan rejected me. Every day she has been there for me. She has let me cry on her shoulder, scream and rage over how angry I was that he was shutting me out, and most of all she has simply listened. In addition to my relationship woes, she’s been there through all of the threats that have started since I went back to work. She has been here every step of the way, just like she has been since that fateful day in elementary school. Turns out, her deciding we were going to be best friends, was the best decision anybody ever made for me.
There’s a gentle knock on the door, and it startles all of us.
“Hey, it’s okay. Mick probably just sent somebody over to ask some questions or to guard you or something. Don’t worry. You’re safe here,” Cami says as she continues to rub calming strokes across my back.
Devon enters the room and my heart instantly stops. No. Not now. Please tell me he isn’t here with bad news. Please tell me that Jonathan is okay. I can hear my mom whispering with somebody in the hall, and I assume that Gabby must have come with him.
“Devon, what is it? Is he okay? What’s wrong?”
He just looks at me, then takes a step to the side. Jonathan walks in behind him, followed by my relieved looking mom. The moment I see him, all the tears I’ve been holding in come flooding out and I burst into silent sobs.
Everything that happened this past week and a half comes crashing down on me in one fell swoop. From the scene at the wedding, to Jonathan’s shooting, the high of Jonathan loving me, to his rejection mere hours later, to the radio silence that followed, the threats and now the break in. Seeing him here and walking towards me causes my dam to break and the tears won’t stop. I knew I was stressed, but I had no idea how much I was truly holding in. I have always done my best in life to not need anybody, but I need him. I know this now.
I feel Cami get up from beside me as Jonathan comes down to his knees in front of me. He takes my face in his hands, like I love so much, and leans his forehead to mine. He whispers my sweet nickname that I have come to love and crave from him, and I close my eyes and revel in the wonder of him actually being here.
After what seems like barely a second and hours all at the same time, he releases me and puts his hand on Ireland’s head and simply stares at her for a moment.
“Baby, we’re gonna have Cami take this sweet little princess into the other room, okay?”
I just nod my head, still not ready to speak. The tears have stopped, and I’m slowly starting to feel stable with Jonathan in my presence, but I’m still not okay.
He stands. Cami approaches us and gives Jonathan a hug and thanks him for coming. She bends down and as she takes Ireland from my arms she whispers in my ear. “I knew he’d snap out of it. He’s here and he loves you. He just needed time. It’s gonna be okay, chica. It’s. Gonna. Be. Okay.” She stands with Ireland in her arms, and she and my mom leave the room. Devon must be outside, because I don’t see him anymore, and it seems we’re now alone.
He’s on his knees in front of me and is as close to me as he can get. His body is pressed against my legs and his hands are rubbing up and down my arms as if he is trying to warm me.
“Talk to me, baby. Devon gave me the basics, but I need you to tell me what’s been going on? I’m here now, honey and I am so sorry for everything. We’ll talk about all that later, but right now I need you to fill me in and tell me everything you can.”
Just Breathe
Jonathan
God, even in the shittiest of situations, being near her and being able to touch her again is everything. She is my everything, and I cannot believe that I shut her out. I am a selfish bastard. I really am.
