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Ireland walks back into her room after showing her last dress off to the boys, and she makes a point of shutting her door.
She climbs up into my lap and says, “Momma, can I tell you what I wished for when I blowed out my candles?”
Baby Baby Baby
Jonathan
Mick goes to grab us each a beer, and I hear a light knocking. Then I hear Ireland say, “Momma?”
My heart instantly starts to pound in my chest because Ireland doesn’t sound happy, and she was just beaming with pride in her last princess dress. What could have happened between now and then?
As I approach her in the hallway I squat down to her level. “What’s goin’ on, Princess?”
“I made momma cry.” She’s calling Emily momma and not mommy. That’s a sign that something’s wrong.
“Why do you think you made her cry?”
“Well, I know I wasn’t supposed to but I told her my birfday wish. I thought it would make her happy, and if she knew I was wishing for it she could wish for it too,” she says so low that I can barely hear her.
She suddenly seems shy. Her tiny hands are clasped in front of her and she’s looking down at them. She doesn’t seem to want to look me in the eye. What in the world did she wish for that would have Emily in tears, and Ireland seem so shy?
“What did you wish for, sweetie?”
She lifts those big warm eyes up to mine. She takes a breath and blows it out so she can get one of her wild curls out of her face. She starts to speak, but stops and looks down again before she softly says, “I wished that you, me, mommy and Frances could all be a family together.”
I can’t breathe.
This little girl has brought me to my knees figuratively and quite literally. I’ve fallen forward out of my squatting position and on to my knees. I instinctively pull Ireland in for a hug, and silently thank her for what she’s just given me.
I feel like Superman right now. I honestly feel like I could stop a speeding train or fly into the night’s sky. It’s as though Ireland’s belief in me is all I need to do any of those things. My moment of elation ebbs as I remember this wish has Emily hiding in her room crying. I’m not sure how I should be taking that, but I suddenly feel a little less like I could fly.
“You aren’t mad?” She asks with sad eyes and I realize I haven’t verbally replied to her statement. I hate to see her looking so sad when she’s made me so happy.
“No, Princess, not at all. In fact, I think that is the best wish I have ever heard. I hope you know how important you are to me Ireland. Thank you for your wish and I hope one day both of our wishes come true. Now let me go check on your momma, and you go show Uncle Mick your dress again. It’s very pretty by the way,” I say as I give her a kiss on the top of her head.
“Em . . .” I say as I gently knock on her bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“Yes,” I hear her sniff out behind the door.
I cautiously open the door and poke my head in, unsure of what I might find. I’m a combination of nerves right now. I’m still riding high from Ireland’s confession, but I’m afraid my heart is about to be trampled on by the love of my life.
I see her sitting in the middle of her bed with her back against the headboard and her knees pulled up to her chest. There is still a steady stream of tears cascading down her face. I close the door behind me. I take a seat next to her and hand her the box of tissues that I grabbed from the bathroom before I came in. Just like her, I sit against the headboard with my legs pulled into my chest and my eyes straight ahead and give her a minute before I speak.
“You okay, baby?”
“I don’t know,” she sniffs reaching for another tissue.
I inhale and exhale out as calmly as I can so that she can’t see that I am petrified to have this conversation with her. Things have been perfect the last month and a half, but her behavior has me rattled and I’m not sure how to handle the situation. I’m the guy that always wears his heart on his sleeve though, so I can’t let it linger and I just dive right in. Might as well rip off the band-aid.
“Ireland told me what she wished for and . . .” Emily cuts me off before I can continue as she gasps and puts her hand over her mouth.
“I am so sorry,” she sobs out after removing her hand from her mouth and taking both of her hands to cover her face.
“Sorry? Why are you sorry? Because that was one of the best birthday wishes I have ever heard. Are you sorry because you don’t feel the same way that Ireland does?” I don’t mean to sound cold, but I can hear the sharpness to my tone as I ask the question.
Emily turns her body towards me and tucks her legs underneath herself and kneels on her knees and waits for me to turn and meet her eyes with mine.
“No, it’s not that Georgia. I swear! Hearing her wish made me feel so sorry for her. I feel horrible that my little girl has grown up without a father and has to wish for a family. That nearly did me in. It reminded me that no matter how hard I try, my daughter still feels like she’s missing something, and she’s only five. A five-year-old shouldn’t have to make those wishes, Jonathan.”
