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“I do, he’s two years older than me. He is a royal pain in my ass but he’s the best big brother a girl could ask for. He’s the one that got me my necklace,” she says as she rubs the dragonfly between her thumb and forefinger. “That’s not why he’s the best brother, because he bought me a necklace.” She stutters and it is so freaking cute. “That sounded terrible, sorry,” she says blushing.
Not cute . . . fucking adorable.
“I didn’t take it that way at all,” I reassure her. “You’re lucky to have a sibling that you’re so close to.”
“So, you’re an only child?”
“Yep, just me and my mom,” I answer back.
“I’m sure it’s hard to be away. I know how hard it is for me and I am just one state away while I’m at school. But you’re going half way across the world into a dangerous situation. It has to be even harder on her,” she says without meaning any disrespect and without me taking any.
“It is hard on her, but luckily now there’s Skype and other ways to stay in touch when we can so, that helps. Man I miss her cooking when I’m gone. I mean she is really an amazing cook. I just left home and I already can’t wait to go back and eat my mom’s lasagna again!” I’m trying to lighten the conversation, but Emily doesn’t have that in the cards at the moment.
“So, were you close with your dad when he passed away?”
“I was. I mean I was five so I thought my dad was the coolest thing there was. He loved motorcycles and my mom hated them, but she didn’t want to tell him ‘no’ to something he loved so much. I know she wishes every day, that just once, she had been that overbearing wife that put her foot down and said no to him getting a motorcycle. But that just wasn’t her style and it wasn’t her fault. Everything happens for a reason and I have to believe that there was a reason for my dad being taken so soon.” It hits me in this moment that I never talk about this with anybody. It feels kinda good to get some of this out so I keep going. “My parent’s best friends, Robert and Fiona, lived close by and Robert tried really hard to always be there and fill the dad roll as best he could. He could never replace my dad, but I’m lucky to have both of them in my life. Their son, Liam, is my best friend. We were born just a few weeks apart and have been best friends our entire lives. He has a sister, Kate, so where I was an only child at home with just me and my mom, I was fortunate to have the Fanuas to call family as well. I always sorta felt like their middle child. My parents were a little older when they had me and my mom’s parents had already passed. My dad’s parents were in Ireland and I never really new them so, besides my mom, the Fanuas are my family.”
She reaches up and rubs my back a few times while I tell my story but doesn’t say anything. So, I continue, much to my own surprise. “I really am lucky, because I have the best mom in the world. I’m not sure how she did it alone. She never made it seem like I was a burden or like raising me alone was too much for her. She did what she had to do and was there for me every step of the way. I feel like I owe her everything. That’s why I joined the Corps. I was in community college just barely getting by and I realized that I needed something more. The way I was going wasn’t really going to get me anywhere and I thought some structure and discipline would be something to help me get where I needed to be. I was kinda hoping I might find myself along the way so, I joined. Trust me, leaving her was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but for the last three years I have been saving my money. I want to make my mom proud, and I want to buy her the house she has always dreamed of. I want to take care of her like she took care of me. She deserves that and that’s what I am hoping to do.”
I realize what a mama’s boy I probably sound like and decide it’s time to get the subject off of me. Just as she is about to ask another question I see her eyes practically jump out of her head and she lets out a blood curdling scream!
“Snake! Snake!” she screams and in a move I don’t even see coming she jumps on my back and I’m suddenly giving her a piggy back ride.
Laughing while looping my arms under her legs I stop and look around and see a small gopher snake slinking off into the tall grass on the side of the trail.
“The coast is clear. It was just a gopher snake, nothing to worry about,” I tell her as I feel her forehead rest on my shoulder.
“I am so embarrassed. I cannot believe I screamed like a little girl and jumped on you like this. I. Am. So. Sorry. You can put me down now,” she says but I’m not ready to let go just yet.
“No, better safe than sorry,” I say and continue on our hike with her on my back. She feels too good pressed against me to let go just yet.
“So, you don’t say much about your dad. Was he not in the picture?”
Because I’m carrying her and her lips are right near my ear she doesn’t have to speak loudly to answer me. The sigh that she exhales right before she does sends a chill down my spine. Combine that exhale with her breasts pressed against my back and her legs wrapped around my waist and it is taking everything I have to stay focused on this conversation. Thank God I had just taken the ruck sack off to grab some water and am able to feel all of her against me while the backpack hags off my arm. The thing is I really do want to know all about her. So, I push my desire for her aside while I wait for her to answer.
Quietly she says in my ear, “My dad was around until he moved out when I was in the 8th grade. He left my mom for another woman.”
I’m about to reply when she continues, “He had been having an affair with another woman and she got pregnant. He chose to leave the three of us to start another family with another woman. After that, he wasn’t really around. He tried, but on the weekends my brother and I would have to spend with him it was pretty clear that we didn’t want to be there. Rather than make his new family uncomfortable, he said that my brother and I didn’t need to visit any more if we didn’t want to and that he would stop by and see us. Of course he didn’t. He would stop by on birthdays and holidays but that was really it.”
I see a bench up ahead and decide to reluctantly put her on her feet and guide her to the bench with my hand on her back. I pull a bottle of water out of my bag and hand it to her. “I feel so bad for your dad.” She looks at me as though I disgust her, but I finish my sentence anyway. “Because he’s the one that is missing out. I don’t know your brother but to have you in his life and then to choose not to spend every possible moment with you is definitely his loss, Emily.”
So quietly that I almost can’t hear her, she says, “Thank you,” and then after taking a drink of water and staring out at the ocean for a moment lifts her chin to look me in the eyes as she continues on.
“The sad thing is I didn’t know until he left us that he had been cheating on my mom their entire marriage. My dad is a cop and never could resist a Badge Bunny, so I hear. She knew though. My mom knew and she let him walk all over her for the sake of her family and to keep us all together. I hate to admit it but when I first found out I was really angry at her. I just couldn’t imagine that what I thought was my parent’s perfect marriage was all lies. I also couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that my strong willed—you can do anything you put your mind to mother—had let a man walk all over her for her entire adult life. It broke my heart and at twenty-one I already feel more bitter than I should.”
She brings one of her legs up to the bench and hugs it to her chest and turns her head to look at me. “Mix my parent’s relationship with my atrocious luck at choosing the right guys and the mystery of why I don’t date or do relationships is pretty plain to see.”
“You don’t have to be bitter though,” I say as I look into her sad eyes. “You have a choice. You can be bitter or you can be better. You can learn from your parent’s mistakes and even your own, and you can do better than they did or than you have in the past. I understand why you were angry at your mom, but growing up with a mom who had to do it all alone with only one kid, I can’t imagine how scared your mom was to have to do it alone with two. I get it though, Em. I do. You’ve been hurt by those you trusted the most. You don’t want to put yourself in that place to be hurt again. But not every guy is a bad guy and one day when you find The One you’ll see that letting somebody in isn’t such a bad thing. There are happily ever afters out there, Emily.”
“You’re right and I know that. My mom really did struggle but my brother and I both worked as much as possible to help out. I did my best to get good grades so that I could earn scholarships to help get me to school. I understand where she was coming from now, trust me I do, it was just hard for a while and I was a stupid kid who was mad at the world.”
She stands and drinks some more of her water and then says, “As for your idea of a happily ever after . . . I am not so sure I can agree with you on that one. I love a good romance novel, especially the ones where they ride off into the sunset together, but I know that it’s only fiction. It isn’t real life. It sure is nice to think it could happen to us all one day, but I’ve been through too much already to know that’s probably just not true.”
With her words bouncing around my head I stand and put my empty water bottle in my bag, and we start walking again. Before I realize what I’m doing I reach over and pull her shoulder into my side and proclaim, “I would love to be the one to change your mind on that happily ever after, Gracie,” I kiss the top of her head and release her. I walk ahead a few feet to give her some space and to think about what I just said. I have never laid down the gauntlet before, but I think that’s what I just did. The thing is, I feel good about it, and most of all . . . I meant it. I would be lucky to have a happily ever after with a girl like Emily. If there were ever a time to have the luck of the Irish, this would be it.
Once we’re up Patriots Hill the payoff for the trek we just made is waiting for us. The 360 degree view is amazing, but nothing compared to the view of Emily as she joins me up at the flagpole. She’s sweaty, her chest is heaving and she quite frankly looks pissed.
“I thought you said the hills weren’t that bad on this trail. Are you trying to kill me?” she says with a little bit of a screech to her voice.
