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Jonathan
5 Years Later
Another Saturday night.
Another night of drinking at Kells.
Another night of Courtney hanging off me even when I don’t act interested.
I don’t know why I came out tonight because I’m just not feeling it. I usually love this place. Kells Irish Pub is our home away from home and I’ve spent many a night and many dollars in this place. This is the place that all of us cops go for special occasions; promotions, birthdays, retirements and the occasional wake.
I’m in a funk. If Mick hadn’t let Devon know everybody was meeting up tonight, I’m sure I would be at home getting drunk alone. Instead, I’m here where it costs three times as much more to get to that same place. A place I seem to be seeking out a little more than I should these days.
I know that Devon can tell I’m not in a good place. It was his idea for me to move here to Portland after our time in the Corps was over. He knew that staying in Georgia wasn’t a good idea for me and persuaded me to move here. I crashed with him until I was able to find my own place and he and Gabby are now a constant in my life. My family. They came by tonight and picked me up and made me come out with them. They didn’t really give me a choice.
Now, here I am standing at the back of the bar with Courtney attached to me with no sign of letting go. If she would just step away for two minutes I would be out of here.
It’s my own fault. I know that. I had been warned about her. She’s what we call a Badge Bunny. She only dates cops and she’s slowly but surely making her way through the single, and not so single, guys in the department. I, in a drunken stupor, not once…but twice fell into her vagina at the end of two hazy nights here at Kells. Don’t ask me why because I cannot stand her. She is the opposite of everything I like in a woman. Fake tan, fake tits, fake hair, fake nails, fake eyelashes. and her personality is just as fake as the rest of her. She actually kind of repulses me but somehow she always seems to find me. She doesn’t have my number and I have never asked for hers, but if I’m out…anywhere in this damn city…I swear to Jesus that woman is in the same place at the same time. It’s getting really old.
I finally decide I’ve had enough and tell her that I’m gonna call it a night. Her response doesn’t surprise me at all when she says, “Okay, let me just go tell my girlfriend we’re leaving and I’ll be ready to go.”
“No, Courtney, I’m going home alone.”
She looks confused.
“I’ve told you before Court, what happened before between the two of us was a mistake, a drunken mistake. Both. Times. I am not looking for anything from you and never will. I don’t mean to sound like such a dick, but I don’t want to lead you on.”
Oh, that felt good. I know I sounded like an asshole, but my ability to give two shits has galloped off into the sunset along with my ability to give a fuck! I just want to find D and Gabby and let them know that I’m taking off. I find Devon standing at the bar talking with Mick and some of the other guys.
Just as I put my hand on D’s shoulder to update him of my departure I feel something electric in the air and my head swivels to the door of the bar. In what feels like an out of body experience I see a girl who looks just like my Gracie. It’s as though all the air has been sucked out of the room as I see her laughing and talking to somebody over her shoulder. Her hair is down and she has on a black sleeveless top that ties behind her neck. Not only is her hair down, but she has big curls in it that I don’t remember seeing before. She is so beautiful. This can’t be real, can it?
It’s been over five years and I am still dreaming about the girl who broke my heart. I need to get a fucking grip. Maybe I should go to a therapist after all. It would get Devon, Liam, and Fiona off my back. Until this moment I thought I was doing okay, but I guess if I’m imagining her appearing in bars while I’m out and about in public…then maybe I do need some help.
Just when I think I’ve lost it I see Cami is the person she’s laughing with as she comes up behind her along with another woman. I feel my knees nearly buckle and thank God my hand is on Devon’s shoulder because that is the only thing holding me up right now. This cannot be happening.
“J, what is it? You okay, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
When I don’t answer Devon follows my line of sight and I hear “fuck” come out from under his breath, but I’m so mesmerized by the sight of her smiling face walking into this bar…my bar…that I don’t hear anything else at all.
Walking through the bar she makes a beeline for Mick and jumps into his arms. He picks her up in a giant bear hug and then sets her on her feet. When he puts her down, their backs are to me and I watch as he leaves his arm around her shoulder and she puts her arm around his waist as he introduces her to people.
Mick?! Mickey fucking Jacobs?! He is such a man whore! Why the fuck is she with this asshole? I mean I know women say he’s hot and he is a great cop and a good friend, but women are disposable to him. You have got to be fucking kidding me! I feel rage start to course through my body. I cannot believe my Gracie would be with somebody like him. What the fuck did I ever do to the universe to deserve this shit? I haven’t been able to find anybody since she decided I wasn’t worth the wait or the trust to share her problems with, and now here she is with this fuck wad!
Devon can feel me simmering next to him. Now his hand is on my shoulder as he says, “Dude, calm down. You don’t want her to see you freaking out, do you? You look like you’re about to blow a gasket.”
“Fucking Mickey, Devon? Anybody but Mick, his blond, pretty boy ass, will just use her and then throw her to the curb.”
Just as I say this Mick and Emily turn around and Mick heads straight for me. The minute she sees me and our eyes lock I see her gasp and she brings her hand over her mouth. Two more steps and she’s standing right in front of me.
“Kelly, McCoy, I want you to meet my little sis! She just moved back home from California and…” he’s distracted by somebody calling his name and says, “Sorry, Emmers, be right back.”
Sister, he just said sister, right? Oh, thank Christ! I feel myself take a breath for the first time in what feels like several minutes.
While I stand there like an idiot, Devon helps out and jumps in and gives her a hug. I hear him say, “PDX, it’s really good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you too, Devon.” She says to him and I can hear a quiver to her voice while her shimmering eyes are locked on my mine.
