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The one positive about today was that Jesse was back in class. It sounds like some family friends have stepped up and taken him and his brother in. Things are starting to look up for them. He seemed glad to be at school, and that is all that any teacher can ever hope for. I needed to see his face to help me get through all the unpleasantness that surrounding me.
Sitting in the passenger seat of Mick’s over-zealous monster of a truck, I am completely exhausted and it’s only 11:30 am. The roller coaster that my emotions have been on since the Samson’s wedding has me on edge, and I’m hanging on by a thread. Now that Jonathan’s back, I should be happy, but there is still so much to say and so much going on with trying to figure out who’s creating this nightmare. I am exhausted.
Mick insisted on picking me up and taking me to my mom’s where Ireland spent her day. It was decided that I needed to go to school and keep my routine to try and draw out whoever is trying to destroy my sanity, but it wasn’t safe enough to let Ireland go to school.
Mick and Jonathan haven’t shared many details, but I know that Ireland’s room was the target of the break-in. The thought that this person would stalk me enough to know where I live and break into my personal space has rocked me. The fact that they are involving Ireland has me shook to the core, and I’m barely functioning.
I also hate being such a pain in the ass to everybody around me. Mick took time off work to help figure all this out and fix Ireland’s room up as best he can. My mom has taken time off of work to help with Ireland. Jonathan is now spending his time on the case, and I am not even sure exactly where we stand. Not to mention all of the staff at school and even some students are being questioned.
I hate this!
This is complete bullshit! I just don’t understand what the hell is going on, and what I have unknowingly done to be on this side of somebody’s hate. A hate so strong they would break into my home and threaten my child. None of this makes any sense.
The thought that this could be somebody that I see every day at work is unfathomable to me. I usually only see the good in people, and I am not naturally skeptical of others, but I feel as though this entire situation is changing me. I try not to show it, but I am second guessing everybody I talk to at work. Trying to listen closely to see if they say anything that could be suspicious at all. I hate the feeling of not being able to trust those around me, and the dread that I feel in the pit of my stomach is constant. I can barely eat and my sleeping is sporadic. I tend to wake up in a sweaty panic most nights.
When we get to my mom’s, Mick walks me in and then says he has to head out to follow up on some things. He’s still not telling me much and it’s making me feel like a child. At this very moment in time, I don’t have the energy to fight him for more information, so I just let it go.
The only energy I have left is for the little girl that just came running to me and jumped in my arms. I cannot believe how big she’s getting. Pretty soon I won’t be able to carry her around like this, and I know I need to enjoy every moment that I have with her at this age.
I’m so glad that she isn’t old enough to understand more than she does right now. I can tell that she knows that something is off, and I know she wants to be home with all of her things, but she doesn’t know enough to be scared.
Like I am.
All the time.
At the moment, she’s just so excited to be around her Grandma and see more of Uncle Mick. She thinks this is all fun and games.
She does ask for some of her things so shortly after Mick leaves, I text him and ask him to bring a laundry list of things back to mom’s later that night. Mick says he’s on it and acts like it doesn’t bother him, but I hate that he is having to go out of his way again.
I wish he would just let me in the house to get her stuff myself. That is impossible though since he won’t even let me drive right now. When he comes back later tonight, I will make a point of getting more information about the break-in and when I can go back to the house.
I love my mom, but she lives in a two-bedroom apartment and doesn’t have room for us. Ireland needs the normalcy of being around her things and not living out of her backpack.
But, if it’s not safe I will not put her in harm’s way.
Sitting here on the couch in my mom’s place, I feel trapped. Even though I’m not alone, I sure do feel it.
Jonathan came back last night after his first visit and he played with Ireland. After bath time, he read her a story. By the time he was finished with her, I was falling asleep out here on the couch. When he found me nearly passed out, he didn’t say a word. He just scooped me up, sat down on the couch and held me in his lap.
When he first sat down, he took my chin and tilted my head up so that my eyes met his and he whispered. “I am so sorry, Gracie,” and then he brought his lips to mine and gave me the softest of kisses. I could feel some of my anxiety melt away, just from the warmth of his lips on mine.
He then told me to rest and gently guided my head to his shoulder. My face naturally nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He kissed me on the top of my head and then just held me. The comfort his hold brought me and being surrounded by his smell was all I needed to fall into a deep slumber; a sleep that I hadn’t had in weeks.
He held me for hours and I didn’t wake up again until I felt him tucking me into the couch. The apartment was dark, and I could only see the silhouette of him as he stood above me.
“I’ll be back tomorrow, baby. You get some rest and let Mick drive you. Make sure Ireland stays home with your mom, okay?”
“Okay, but Jonathan where are you going?”
“I have to go help Mick and the guys try to figure all this out, baby. I want nothing more than to spend all night with you in my arms, but I won’t be able to rest again until we know what’s going on. Just do what Mick tells you and we’ll do everything we can to get your world back to normal as soon as possible.”
“Okay.”
With that, he kissed my forehead and left. Needless to say, it took quite some time to fall back to sleep without his arms around me.
Now I’m sitting where he left me wondering why I haven’t heard from him today. I am so confused. He says I’ll see him today, but I haven’t heard a thing from him. I know he’s been through a lot, and he needs time, but where is he?
I’m shook out of my wallowing when there is a knock on the door, and it scares me half to death. The glass of water I’ve been holding, but not drinking, spills all over my hand and I get up and curse as I walk to the door and wipe my hand on my pants.
